Dear Aldramelech

[Aldramelech]

As a fully rounded human being with a degree from the University of life, a diploma from the School of hard knocks and a City and Guilds from the Kindergarten of having the sh*t kicked out me I have graciously decided to dispense some wisdom among you.

As a successful Arms dealer, award winning Chef and international Cabaret Chanteuse I am totally qualified to be the biggest thing in teen/middle aged angst since Siggy Kraut.

Tell me your problems...................

[DrLove42]

I once shot a man to watch him die...

Would this potentially cause problems for my application for the peace corp?

[gwensdad]

Dear Aldramelech

There's someone on the BoLS forums who I respect the opinion (and humor) of, however a member of my local gaming group has some "issue" with him concerning something that I just want to say "who the frak cares-grow up!" about. I want to stay friends with all concerned. How can I?

[Aldramelech]

I once shot a man to watch him die...

Would this potentially cause problems for my application for the peace corp?

Ahh that old chestnut.

As long as you point out that he was a crew member from a Japanese Whaling ship everything should be fine. Do not under any circumstances tell them that the Blood God demanded his sacrifice or that it was an African American midget homosexualist, that would be frowned upon.

[Aldramelech]

Dear Aldramelech

There's someone on the BoLS forums who I respect the opinion (and humor) of, however a member of my local gaming group has some "issue" with him concerning something that I just want to say "who the frak cares-grow up!" about. I want to stay friends with all concerned. How can I?

Well thats thats an age old puzzler and no mistake.

Your friend at the gaming group is obviously quite insecure and as good Friend you should go out of the way to make sure that he is in no doubt that you are his true friend. At the next meeting you should go up to him and kiss him quite hard (No tongues) and tell him that you love him, this should provide all the reassurance he needs.

This of course is a risky strategy, if it turns out that he is in fact a closet homosexualist and has been secretly in love with you for years, this might be misinterpreted.

Your only other option is to choose which you like best and kill the other, harsh, but fair.

[Denzark]

Well thats thats an age old puzzler and no mistake.

Your friend at the gaming group is obviously quite insecure and as good Friend you should go out of the way to make sure that he is in no doubt that you are his true friend. At the next meeting you should go up to him and kiss him quite hard (No tongues) and tell him that you love him, this should provide all the reassurance he needs.

This of course is a risky strategy, if it turns out that he is in fact a closet homosexualist and has been secretly in love with you for years, this might be misinterpreted.

Your only other option is to choose which you like best and kill the other, harsh, but fair.

May I respectfully tender a guest opinion? Try the 'Thunderdome' solution. Quite simple, 2 men in, 1 man out.

That is all.

[scadugenga]

Dear Alramelech,

The forum has been missing it's Burp.

Please don't tell me you've sold out doing Q&A instead?

[Aldramelech]

Dear Alramelech,

The forum has been missing it's Burp.

Please don't tell me you've sold out doing Q&A instead?

I too require some amusement between waiting for paint to dry and not having to watch the X factor.

This allows me to help this group of socially inadequate sociopaths without my computer exploding:rolleyes:

As an aside your obsession with my burp is not exactly healthy, I suggest you find a hobby to occupy some of your free time:D

[scadugenga]

I too require some amusement between waiting for paint to dry and not having to watch the X factor.

This allows me to help this group of socially inadequate sociopaths without my computer exploding:rolleyes:

As an aside your obsession with my burp is not exactly healthy, I suggest you find a hobby to occupy some of your free time:D

Well played.

I do have a hobby. It's called an infant son. It's such an engaging hobby it completely sucks away time from sleep. I'm sure you have similar hobbies.

What I need is an occasional break from said hobby, to keep sanity and soul intact. :P

So here's a real question--how do you phrase the request to play a game of 40k, while having an infant son, when said request might prompt said son's mother into fits of near-homicidal mania?

;)

[Aldramelech]

Well played.

I do have a hobby. It's called an infant son. It's such an engaging hobby it completely sucks away time from sleep. I'm sure you have similar hobbies.

What I need is an occasional break from said hobby, to keep sanity and soul intact. :P

So here's a real question--how do you phrase the request to play a game of 40k, while having an infant son, when said request might prompt said son's mother into fits of near-homicidal mania?

;)

Oh thats easy.

You walk into the room and announce in a loud voice "I'm going Wargaming!"

Now there will be a slight pause whilst she visibly inflates her lungs, you need to move fast here.

You then put your finger up to your lips and say "Shhh Adult talking"

Trust me, she'll be speechless:D

[scadugenga]

Oh thats easy.

You walk into the room and announce in a loud voice "I'm going Wargaming!"

Now there will be a slight pause whilst she visibly inflates her lungs, you need to move fast here.

You then put your finger up to your lips and say "Shhh Adult talking"

Trust me, she'll be speechless:D

Are you trying to get me killed?

I live in the States, Aldy. We own guns.

And she's a better shot than I am...

[Drew da Destroya]

Dear Aldramelech,

As an ancient sun god who demands child sacrifice, do you have any pointers on starting a really kickass sacrificial pyre?

[eldargal]

Dear Aldramelech,
All the other Banshees at the Shrine of the Grumpy Wench hate me because I'm prettier than them, what should I do?




Oh god its 1am.

[Aldramelech]

Dear Aldramelech,

As an ancient sun god who demands child sacrifice, do you have any pointers on starting a really kickass sacrificial pyre?

Baby seals are the way forward here my friend. Nothing burns better then baby seal blubber.

[Aldramelech]

Dear Aldramelech,
All the other Banshees at the Shrine of the Grumpy Wench hate me because I'm prettier than them, what should I do?




Oh god its 1am.

You should hit on all of them (not at the same time, that would be stupid). This will make them all feel uniquely special, every girl loves to have a Lesbianist for a best friend.

(PS Can we watch? No? Sorry no problem, only asking)

[Aldramelech]

Are you trying to get me killed?

I live in the States, Aldy. We own guns.

And she's a better shot than I am...

Dont knock it till you've tried it. Maybe remove all scopes from high powered hunting rifles first.

[Faultie]

Dear Aldramelech,

Recently, I was attempting PFGE analysis to serotype bacteria in a series of samples (~40). However, most of our isolates yielded uninterpretable results due to highly degraded bands.

My question: Since I am sure that my own methodology is technically sound, how can I convince my boss that this an issue of poor sample collection and culturing by the lab techs, not a case of methylated DNA preventing the restriction enzymes from effectively cutting?

[Aldramelech]

Dear Aldramelech,

Recently, I was attempting PFGE analysis to serotype bacteria in a series of samples (~40). However, most of our isolates yielded uninterpretable results due to highly degraded bands.

My question: Since I am sure that my own methodology is technically sound, how can I convince my boss that this an issue of poor sample collection and culturing by the lab techs, not a case of methylated DNA preventing the restriction enzymes from effectively cutting?


I'm not one to answer a question with a question normally, but there' always a time to cut cards with the Devil so here goes:

Which one of the Lab techs has spurned your advances Faultie? How did it start, a stolen glance across the microscope? Did your hands brush as she passed you a slide? Is it the way she pins up her hair with a pen?

What imagined slight has driven you to think that your life would be better if you could just get her sacked?

Stride across the lab tomorrow, take her in your arms and shout "I love you ******* it!"

Everything will be fine. ;)

[Faultie]

I'm not one to answer a question with a question normally, but there' always a time to cut cards with the Devil so here goes:

Which one of the Lab techs has spurned your advances Faultie? How did it start, a stolen glance across the microscope? Did your hands brush as she passed you a slide? Is it the way she pins up her hair with a pen?

What imagined slight has driven you to think that your life would be better if you could just get her sacked?

Stride across the lab tomorrow, take her in your arms and shout "I love you ******* it!"

Everything will be fine. ;)
How did you know about my feelings for Rachel?!

Thanks for the courage!

[eldargal]

Hm, good idea. Sound theory

P.S. How much wine are you willing to provide, and how much shall I be paid?


You should hit on all of them (not at the same time, that would be stupid). This will make them all feel uniquely special, every girl loves to have a Lesbianist for a best friend.

(PS Can we watch? No? Sorry no problem, only asking)

[Aldramelech]

Hm, good idea. Sound theory

P.S. How much wine are you willing to provide, and how much shall I be paid?

Eldargal raises an interesting question here and I will now dispense some general advice to the (vaguely) male members of this forum:

How much should you pay for a date?

Now for the standard date where you are looking to meet the love of your life and the future mother of your children I would say two cinema tickets and a shared mid price pizza are about right, if your looking to impress maybe a taxi home but only if your on a high income ( You may laugh but my first date with my wife of 15 years and the mother of my child consisted of two cinema tickets, which I got for free, and half a lager!) (Oh and it was Highlander 2 for those that really need to know) (No I did not think it was as good as the first one, but at least we had something to talk about in the pub afterwards, how bad the film was).

Now if we're talking a date with a 6ft tall statuesque blonde who with the right amount of wine in her is willing to invite one of her friends (or any other random female) to join in any fun that might be had, I would say that the GNP of a small African nation should be spent on what ever the hell she wants:eek:

[Drew da Destroya]

Baby seals are the way forward here my friend. Nothing burns better then baby seal blubber.

Well played, sir. I'll have to take this advice to heart! Archon Molach will be pleased...

[eldargal]

Wow, this post recovered a repressed memory I had of my brothers discussing how much they would pay for a pornographic film starring Kylie Monogue and Madonna ten years ago.

I'd be happy with the GNP of a small African nation. Or I could be Queen of said nation instead, so long as it is one of the less violent specimens.


Eldargal raises an interesting question here and I will now dispense some general advice to the (vaguely) male members of this forum:

How much should you pay for a date?

Now for the standard date where you are looking to meet the love of your life and the future mother of your children I would say two cinema tickets and a shared mid price pizza are about right, if your looking to impress maybe a taxi home but only if your on a high income ( You may laugh but my first date with my wife of 15 years and the mother of my child consisted of two cinema tickets, which I got for free, and half a lager!) (Oh and it was Highlander 2 for those that really need to know) (No I did not think it was as good as the first one, but at least we had something to talk about in the pub afterwards, how bad the film was).

Now if we're talking a date with a 6ft tall statuesque blonde who with the right amount of wine in her is willing to invite one of her friends (or any other random female) to join in any fun that might be had, I would say that the GNP of a small African nation should be spent on what ever the hell she wants:eek:

[Sister Rosette Soulknyt]

Just so you all know, as an Australian, we are in no way inclined to be proud of the "Budgie", yes seriously thats her nickname down here. We really never liked her, she is Madonna $2 knock-off.

Aldramelech
I just bought a nice new Flamer for my birthday, im looking for any Heretics to burn in the neighbourhood now, would you recomend lightly scorching, or full crematoriam with heavenly singing and shouts of "Purge the Heretic in Holy Flames"?

[Denzark]

Sister Rosette:

If only you were to compare any one part of the bodies of Madonna and the Minologue, in particular the Dolphin's Nose, you would see that Kylie is a far superior being to the aged Italian shocker.

Whilst Madonna might be GILF her musculature would cause fear in Kharn the Betrayer and if you have seen her early year 'Gentleman's Art' photos you would know she needs a bit of a trim.

[Aldramelech]

Just so you all know, as an Australian, we are in no way inclined to be proud of the "Budgie", yes seriously thats her nickname down here. We really never liked her, she is Madonna $2 knock-off.

Aldramelech
I just bought a nice new Flamer for my birthday, I'm looking for any Heretics to burn in the neighborhood now, would you recommend lightly scorching, or full crematorium with heavenly singing and shouts of "Purge the Heretic in Holy Flames"?

Personally I prefer to poke them with a pointed stick whilst shouting "Ha! Have at you Sir!" but I'm well aware of Pyromaniac's ann.... sorry Sisters of Battle love of all things orange and crackly (is that a word? it is now)

I would only suggest that every now and again you try something different, variety is the spice of life. Maybe try kicking them in the lips with a steel toecap boot shouting "This will have to do!"

Kylie Min a gue or the Future Mrs Aldramelech as she is known in my house is perfect in every way and beyond any reproach, and if the current Mrs. Aldramelech calls her "Botox Head" once more, theres going to be trouble.........

[Aenir]

Dear Aldramelech:

Long time Reader, first time writer...

On the Topic of Flames of War, what do you say on the (Supposed) Superiority of Armor over Infantry, and as (at least) an Early War Soviet Infantry Player, does it offend you?
On the Second Point, What of the Ascendance of the Dark Angels, Will they Rightfully Take the place of Guilliman's Smurfs at the Emperor's side and show once and for all that they are the most loyal, most fun loving chapter out there?
On the Third Point, Minogue (sp?) Why? I mean, think of the Christmas Special... alll the large ham... and she was the worst!!!

Thank you

Aenir

[Aldramelech]

1/ Nope. My Soviets include a complete armour battalion with 10 T28's and 5 T35's :) and if my German oppo is stupid enough to waltz into my 23 stands of infantry with his Pz 1 & 11's, I'm fine with that........

2/ Nope, and its their own fault for having a stupid gay color scheme.

3/ I don't care what anybody says as long as she's bouncing up and down on top of m.........(Duke wrestles me to the floor) ((and not in a gay brokeback mountain way)) :0..............

[Denzark]

10 T-28s hey? how good is the one that doesn't go u/s within 100m of the FUP?

[Sister Rosette Soulknyt]

As much as you may all think, us REAL Aussies actually hate the budgie, she cant sing, cant dance, has no creative ability, and looks rediculous. Ontop of that (and not you Aldramelech), she takes everyones else's style and claims its new. Add that to her stupid looks with lots of Botox.

Seriously that butt of hers is a fake, she borrowed it from J-lo, she had an *** lift, surgury and yes more botox to keep it in one place. Have you seen her face lately up close without airbrushing it??? eekkk.

And finally was a dismal failure at acting, atleast her sister looks better than her, just she sings nearly as bad as the budgie.

Aldramelech, your sage words make much sense, besides have you seen the price increase in Promethium these days...much cheaper to lay the boot in, save Heretic burning for BBQ's

[Aldramelech]

10 T-28s hey? how good is the one that doesn't go u/s within 100m of the FUP?

The 28's are fine, its the 35's that never went anywhere

[Aenir]

1/ Nope. My Soviets include a complete armour battalion with 10 T28's and 5 T35's :) and if my German oppo is stupid enough to waltz into my 23 stands of infantry with his Pz 1 & 11's, I'm fine with that........

2/ Nope, and its their own fault for having a stupid gay color scheme.

3/ I don't care what anybody says as long as she's bouncing up and down on top of m.........(Duke wrestles me to the floor) ((and not in a gay brokeback mountain way)) :0..............

1. Nice! How do you feel about late war Tanks waltzing into your army list (Or perhaps... Matilda IIs?)

2. <Gasp! :eek:> *Readies the Deathwing to come get this heretic!* :p

3. No Comment?

[Aldramelech]

Wont happen. I don't play in tournaments, ever. I game exclusively at my club and only play Historical scenarios.

I like the FOW basic rules and we are hugely experienced WW2 gamers, we've been playing WW2 since Battle Front were craping on their hands and wiping it on their face, so we adapt, improvise and overcome.

A good example is the new early war book. Polish don't have any AA or Air? Really? Ohhhhhh I don't think so! We adapt the lists to reflect actual history as opposed to BF's rather twisted version of it.

[Aenir]

thats nice to hear, I should have put a comma in the first though :P (I didnt mean Late war hitting your EW list, I meant LW vs LW, etc.) Also, couldnt the Germans have captured Matildas and smush russians :P

{no offense, to you, but i dislike russian players, they keep pulling stuff outta boxes...It scares the crap outta me!}

[Aldramelech]

Dont play late war, its boring. My regular oppo and myself like to play with really, really crap tanks, thats where the fun is :)

[Aenir]

You dont get any Crappier then when running British Shermans and Stuarts vs the guns of Panthers and Tigers

Best sequence ever, My opponent asked why I was showing my side armor vs him under 16" and I told him it was b/c It didnt matter which facing, so I pointed the hull (and MG) vs nearby infantry. Then he was like... ooohhh yeah :D