PDA

View Full Version : Aldramelechs Forum Burp



Aldramelech
06-18-2010, 10:22 AM
Well, all in all an interesting week here on planet BOLS. Two topics of electronic conversation have been fairly dominant, can you guess which ones?

Lord Azaghuls "Why are 40k players hatings on Paintings scores?" thread developed into a mêlée between those that can and do and those that cant and don't.

Mel summed up the game in one paragraph:

The hobby is about this army of giant douchebags in powered armor running about killing greenskinned mushroom men, while space elves with shuriken-throwing guns run about being emo about their lost race, and the great masses of humanity point flashlights at everyone and yell "boo" to distract from their tanks firing far deadlier ordnance at the "I'm angry at my dad" douchebags and six-breasted daemons out of hell itself. The terminator wannabe army of zombie skeletal robots kills everyone they see, a BDSM variant of space elves survive basically by living in a constant orgy of pain and blood, and blue-skinned space cow / space bird communists are trying to preach peace and cooperation but then get attacked by a bunch of bugs with guns along with everyone else.

And then lost her customary cool thats she so famous for:

Respond to the entire post, rather than a section of it. Strawman arguments piss me off because they are balls to the wall f***ing RETARDED.

The thread now seems to have morphed into a "My analogy is better then yours" competition. I think the best painted analogy should win:D

Shocking things were going on in the Fantasy Forum with the upcoming release of the 8th edition breeze block.

Stukovkh came out with this gem:

if your married with kids then you shouldn't be playing anyway

Which begs the question "Who's wife are you?" If there is a loose spouse on here we're all in trouble!

Eldergal left hundreds of our younger members in need of a very cold shower when she declared:

I am a special edition whore

Tissue manufacturers rejoiced!;)

No stranger to controversy I declared:

I'm not paying £50 for a set of rules!

GW immediately reduced the RRP in the UK to £45, you can all thank me later:D

In the Painting and modeling section Sukigod and Odinsgrandson both produced jaw droopingly fantastic offerings, but which was better? Theres only one way to find out!

Fight

Thats it for this week, see you all next time same time.:D

Bigred
06-18-2010, 09:09 PM
I may get addicted to these roundups...

eldargal
06-20-2010, 03:03 AM
I probably could have phrased the special edition thing a bit better.:o

MC Tic Tac
06-20-2010, 05:36 AM
Sweet a Harry Hill pastiche!!!!

(I guess he isn't on the other side of the Atlantic)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtX-4A69mGo&feature=related

Rusty Nail
06-20-2010, 06:34 AM
I probably could have phrased the special edition thing a bit better.:o

Nope - seemed just about perfect to me :)

And I concur with Bigred, maybe save myself lots of time and just read the round-ups!

Master Bryss
06-20-2010, 11:09 AM
The FIGHT needs an exclamation mark for maximum effect! Exclamation marks make everything dramatic!

You sir have a gift for brightening up people's weeks.

MC Tic Tac
06-20-2010, 05:34 PM
The FIGHT needs an exclamation mark for maximum effect! .

And silly costumes for the true Harry Hill feel.

Aldramelech
06-25-2010, 02:47 AM
Friday? Really? Where did that week go? Well here's the Burp.....

This week: Denzark's feminine side, Melissia launches all out war on the English language, Eldergal is at it again and after the war to end all wars, Klinesmith invades Poland and starts round two!

The "Something Random I came up with" thread gave us all a good chuckle early in the week, but this being the internet someone completely missed the point and had a sense of humor failure. This caused Denzark to say:

"I saw more intelligent things in my boy's nappy (diaper for the yanks) when I changed it this morning"

Fair one. This intrigued me, a rare glimpse into the private life of Denzark, and who would have guessed he was a domestic goddess? I had to find out more, so I went to get you all an exclusive interview with the man himself! It was a short one......

"What? I haven't got time to talk to you, those floors arn't going to clean themselves and Ive run out of Mr Muscle!"

At this point the Lord High Commissar of Norfolk (Mrs Denzark to some) was seen heading my way, hand on bolt pistol (or maybe it was a rolling pin, I didn't hang about) so I beat a hasty retreat!

Melissia started possibly the most bizarre argument on BOLS ever when she declared:

"you know Sicaruis/Sicarius's helmet is going to be full of wank"

What? Denzark asked for conformation. It then all went down hill rapidly. In an attempt to clean up the potty mouthed thread Denzark then moved the argument to the Oubliette.
Now all right thinking, upstanding English speakers of the world (and no, that does not include Americans Big Red:p) know the true meaning of the word. So if you are bored enough to wonder what would happen if you tried to cut your toenails with your modeling knife, head over there and save yourself a trip to hospital:

Not content to rest on her laurels Lady M then opened a second front on our post Anglo Saxon mother tongue in the perhaps ill advised "Breaking the rules/Cheating" thread.

This included some classic Melissia gold!

I don't think I know of any single person who would call me "normal", nor do I feel any shame at this

And wouldn't the world be a dull place if she was BOLS?

Yes, I made a typo. Congratulations, you found out that humans aren't perfect.

Yes that is right, do not adjust your screens, that is Melissia admitting she MAY have made a mistake!:eek:

The one woman crusade against the SOB "Haters" continues, check it out..

Not content with last weeks attempt to turn BOLS into the kind of website you wouldn't want your wife to catch you looking at, Eldergal is at it again! In the "Confirmed Warhammer 8th from WD" thread the statuesque saucepot announced:

That all sounds very arousing

Big Red has refused to confirm or deny that the FBI are thinking of slapping a big fat warning on the front of the site.

addamsfamily36 started the lovely, completely non negative, positive "Warhammer-Lets Talk!" thread for all those who are interested in puppies, flowers and being nice to Jervis! But under this facade of international peace and harmony a dark undercurrent was brewing.

Yes, the lost children of the Great British Empire were at it again! And Emperorsmercy accused me of being negative!!!!!!! ME, yes I know, shocking!

CitizenZero kicked it all off by declaring:

"Oh we have Pringles stateside...but we sure as hell don't call them sissy things like "crisps"

Mmmm Melissia lurks behind this me thinks, the Crusade continues!:rolleyes:

We immediately retaliated. addamsfamily36 decided to man up, grow a pair and launch himself into combat for the honor of the English race!

"what's sissy about a crisp?"

Well that was impressive wasn't it? ;)

But what is best, Crisps or Potato Chips? There's only one way to find out!

FIGHT!

Klinesmith regailed us with his tale of woe in "A not-so-great beginning to 40k". A man run out of town by bullys with painted armies, *******s!! What he couldnt know was that by posting this innocent tale he would reignite the War of the Brush!

Yes the non painting members once again declared anyone who has ever looked at a paintbrush to be EVILLLL! (Mermaid man voice) And I was forced to barracade myself in the house as Darklink tried to burn me out!


The Fantasy forums started the week quite strongly but have been fairly muted towards the end. Its like they are all taking a really big deep breath in preparation for some huge event. Cant think what that would be...........

In the painting and modeling forum I insist, yes INSIST! that you check out "Painted Abaddon Conversion" by Odinsgranson, "Ork Kopta Force" by Sotonshades, "My finished miniatures" by justice for all and "New Loyalist Chapter" by evcameron.

Sukigod's Ork Waaagh! Log is already required reading and if you haven't then shame on you!

Thats it. See you next week! (Providing the M creature doesn't get me first!)

eldargal
06-25-2010, 03:58 AM
I don't even remember writing that.:o

Aldramelech
06-25-2010, 07:15 AM
I don't even remember writing that.:o

Aldramelech never sleeps and is always watching :D

Im trying to figure out a way to get the knitted character in there too.

Faultie
06-25-2010, 07:49 AM
I <3 you, Aldramelech!

...in a totally hetero- sort of way.

Herald of Nurgle
06-25-2010, 10:16 AM
I'm just waiting for the inevitable inter-blog struggles.

Well, I like Fritz... but, I also like Jawaballs. But, who is better? There's only one way to find out!

Aldramelech
07-02-2010, 01:54 AM
Friday! I'm beginning to have a measure of sympathy with columnist's the world over, where does the week go?
I have to admit that by Wednesday evening I was wondering if it would be worth doing it, but then GW rescued me!

This week: Welsh Orks invade GW HQ, Eldergal plays snog/marry/avoid with the whole of GW, Melissia reveals more about her underware then we needed to know and FAQ insanity rules the forum!

On my very own "I ain't playing £50 for a set of rules" I think I may have found the perfect solution to GW not listening to us, the Customers. Grabnutz has offered to be our man in Nottingham:

"I'm Welsh and an Ork to boot, and I work in Nottingham during the week - so GW had better get their act together or they might find a 250lb Welsh Waagh! storming through their front door sometime soon"

Like I said on the thread, I'd pay good money to watch that!

Eldergal, after two weeks of debauchery has decided to settle down and find the man of her dreams. Brad Pitt? George Clooney? Oh no, not for our gal, she has decided that only a senior member of the GW design team will do. In the "Warhammer - Lets talk" thread (which just becomes more bizarre with every week) whilst others debated what was said on various blogs, the Autarch of Looove was only interested in one thing:

"first time I've seen Phil Kelly, rather cute"

Mild enough I hear you say, well it got worse!

"I'm sure I could find something to smother him with"

It was pointed out that this could be misunderstood, and yes, It got worse!

"Gah. I meant something like chocolate fudge sauce"

Then in an even more bizarre turn of events, after being shown an image of Dwarf Queen Helga she said:

"I'd hit that"

The Girl was out of control! And it didn't stop there either. She had this on Jervis:

"Not as cute as Phil Kelly, but if he has madde 8th what we all hope (which seems almost certain) I'd still hit that."

And ended her rampage by threatening to do "horrible things" to Jes Goodwin if he did her a new Dark Elder range! I phoned GW HQ to find out what he thought but he was in the toilet apparently......

Now its time for a new feature here on the Burp, its

ALDRAMELECHS PUT DOWN OF THE WEEK!

This weeks winner is Hyperion for this piece of gold from Denzarks "GW - Having a good week" Thread'

"Proof? The proof is in the pudding: your pudding was a baseless cake of supposition"

I did chuckle :D

GW came to the rescue of the Burp by helpfully putting out the Tyranid and BA FAQs (It pays to have contacts:D). What only can be described as insanity followed as the good people of BOLS lost their frigging minds! Lord Azagul summed it up on Synack's "Tyranid and BA FAQ is up!!" thread with:

"I do believe the doom is...doomed"

And every other thread that had ever mentioned the Doom of Malithingy kicked off! The people that were right gave everybody else a great big "I told you so" and the losers in turn refused to accept they were wrong in any way shape or form. I strongly suspect the Mods are going to be having a very busy couple of days.......

So if your bored and your sitting around wondering if the end of your paintbrush is an alternative to a cotton wool bud for cleaning your ears, save yourself the trip to hospital and go laugh at people arguing about a question thats been answered. There were however notable bits in amongst the all out war.

Melissia (where would I be without her?) Summed up the SOB in one paragraph:

"overpriced rhinos, overpriced special/heavy weapons, overpriced razorback clones with fewer options, assault troops without assault weapons, overpriced troops choice clones with even more overpricd special weapons that have to take a mandatory overpriced vehicle, assault-based HQs with a low WS stat, and expensive and jump units which while useful are fragile and expensive? And let's not forget priests which have no equipment at all to start off with (not even armor of any kind) while costing the same as a terminator, ludicrously expensive arco-flagellants, hilariously bad Repentia, and expensive and fragile Penitent Engines"

I'd hate to think how she'd sum up an army she didn't like :eek:

But what would be better, mandatory overpriced vehicle's or assault troops without assault weapons?
Theres only one way to find out......

FIGHT!

She then went on to crush all of Sangre's hopes and dreams when she declared:

"I'm allergic to leather"

Now get your big fat lazy *** over to painting and modeling and check out "Cerberus VII Regiment" by Morat, "Col.Gravis' Hobby Thread" by the man himself and Skalver's discussion on how GW plan to fleece us for even more money in "New GW paint pots on the way?"

And if you haven't been over to "Sukigod's Ork Waaagh! Log", why not? I believe you were instructed to visit last week? No excuse!

Finally another new feature for the Burp, I would like to introduce the Knitted Character!

http://i749.photobucket.com/albums/xx135/andyblackmore/kc_4.jpg

He will be appearing on a thread near you soon! Spot him first and I promise you'll win absolutely nothing!

See you next week (If I can be bothered!)

eldargal
07-02-2010, 03:06 AM
God, I'd hate to be allergic to leather, poor Melissia.

lordbubonicus
07-02-2010, 06:35 AM
This is freaking hilarious. Good work with the round ups. I'm looking forward to next week's already!

Col.Gravis
07-02-2010, 06:46 AM
You could make a living do this you know, scary stuff mind! ;)

gwensdad
07-02-2010, 08:51 AM
God, I'd hate to be allergic to leather, poor Melissia.

And that on top of the other quotes from you means I can say only this
"I'll be in my bunk"

Col.Gravis
07-02-2010, 09:08 AM
I had'nt even clocked that first time round, heck... :rolleyes:

eldargal
07-02-2010, 10:04 AM
Its totally not how it sounds. I have heaps of leather shoes, boots, belts, scabbards, riding crops, saddles and whatnot which I wouldn't be able to use if I was allergic to leather.

Love the Firefly quote, by the way.


And that on top of the other quotes from you means I can say only this
"I'll be in my bunk"

Old_Paladin
07-02-2010, 04:26 PM
I have heaps of belts, riding crops and saddles, which I wouldn't be able to use on Phil Kelly if I was allergic to leather.

There... I fixed the typos for you... ;)

Denzark
07-03-2010, 04:42 AM
Its totally not how it sounds. I have heaps of leather shoes, boots, belts, scabbards, riding crops, saddles and whatnot which I wouldn't be able to use if I was allergic to leather.

Love the Firefly quote, by the way.

Mmmmm Riding Crops. A classic combat indicator of posh totty.

Mmmmmm. Posh totty.

Aldramelech
07-03-2010, 05:09 AM
What are you animals doing to my thread? Behave yourselves! :0

Beta_Ray_Bill
07-03-2010, 12:27 PM
This is amazing, It's kind of like the 5 o'clock news for geeks... AND I LOVE IT!

Aldramelech
07-09-2010, 09:54 AM
Good afternoon ladies and gents, Its Friday, the weekend starts here! Time for the Burp........

Now this isn't just any Friday, ooohhhh noo. "Whats so special?" I here you all cry, well as we all know (unless your a cave hermit with an internet connection and are very choosy what you look at) tomorrow is the big day. Thousands of you are going to spend the night too excited to sleep and then your going to rush out at the crack of dawn clutching obscene amounts of money to get a piece of the most eagerly anticipated release of the year. Yes Guys and Girls Twilight- Eclipse is with us!

And a set of fantasy wargames rules is getting released (for the 8th time) apparently, Yawn ;)

Now I have made no secret of the fact that 1/ I'm skint, C/ I think its too expensive and 4/ I don't want a book the size of Melissia's ranch, so I will not be joining you all on your little trip to the shops.

This debate has been raging in my very own "I ain't paying £50 for a set of rules" thread for a while now, but it was only this week that Melissia deigned to visit my humble abode. Unfortunately she decided to try and ignite the "War of the Brush" on my thread! Now we all know that there is only one way to purge Melissia from any thread....... A full exorcism must be performed.

"Ohhhh no you don't! The War Of the Brush is elsewhere.........

Go Back to the 40K forum, The Power of Aldramelech compels you!!!!!!!!!!!"

She then resisted my magic and used that age old female invocation that robs males the world over of their power. She was indeed cunning and too much for me:

"No."

I retreated to lick my wounds.

The females of the forum have been much on my mind of late, they are a powerful force here on BOLS and not to be crossed lightly. Their contribution here is out of all proportion to their numbers and two do stand out: Melissia and Eldergal. I thought it might be quite nice to get to know both of them, so on your behalf I asked some searching questions:

"Eldergal, your on a night out and in a club, what are you looking for in the way of company for a good night out?"

"Bearded midgets or perfectly toned man-boys, whats a girl to choose?"

Well you got me there! Same question to Lady M:

" hot bald angry anal sex"

Ooookay, Big smile, walk backwards slowly!

Melissia has been very active this week, It seems sometimes she's almost impossible to escape! On the long running (Please make it stop for the love of all thats holy) "A not so great beginning to 40k" thread she once again gave us one of those summary's she is becoming famous for:

"This hobby is about a bunch of conscripts with flashlights and tee-shirts shooting green-skinned mushroom-men techno-barbarians."

I cant think why GW don't just employ her?

Now on a more serious note Id like to appeal to anyone with experience in statistics to come forward. There is serious work to be done. Citizenzero kicked off this quest for science in Mr. More Tanks "Where do we draw the line?" thread:

"Can you do me a favor though and start a counter in your signature line that says how many times you say the word "douche" or any iteration thereof?"

I can only agree. Inquiring minds need to know! What percentage of the Testy Texan's posts contain the word "Douche"?

This thread has, thankfully, after 26 pages of all out war has been taken out the back of the site and shot in the head! And we can all be thankful for that:D If you haven't read any of it and your sitting around the house wondering if that slice of pizza you spilt superglue on last night might be edible after all, save yourself the trip to hospital and go and have a look.

Last week we discovered a little bit about the mating habits of the lesser spotted Eldergal, and it seemed that the lanky siren was ready to settle down. But it transpires that there is a dark and unsavory motive behind all of this! In thelonegrif's quite frankly criminal "Would you Rock this Dreadnought" thread, the blond black widow declared:

"Well, poo. Thats really not playing fair, no wonder the GW design team can't marry, if angry housewives can't poison them. So sexist."

Jervis, who by all accounts, was getting quite excited in the office last week needs to be very, very careful.
Thankfully, this thread was also taken outside, given a good kicking and then shot in the head.

She did have some practical advice for us wargamers this week. In Pendragons "First game?" thread the femme fatal had this advice:

"Snacks and drinks are very important, nothing makes a 10 hour session of Apocalypse into a living hell like lack of drinks and nibbles. Also lipstick as I find after a few turns I need touch ups."

So there you go, there is no excuse for looking bad at the gaming table...........

But whats more useful for those all day games? Snacks or Lipstick? There's only one way to find out!

Fight!

None of you dumass'es spotted the Knitted character, who I cunningly concealed in the 40k forum, so no non existent prize for any of you! (and it was a good one too!)

Now get on your chosen mode of transport and rush over to the Fantasy Modeling and painting area to check out GAR's "Crystal Skull Tomb Kings" for an interesting take on all things dead.
In the 40k Painting area go and look (unless your a hobby heretic!) at "Trygon Prime emerging from ground and performing Goalkeeper leap!" by TSINI (Catchy title by the way TSINI!) and "Redstar's Log of Everything!" by redstarone for chaos craziness.

I'm off to play with my fully painted Hungry Hippo's set

See you next week (If I haven't been poisoned by Nordic women):D

Denzark
07-09-2010, 11:21 AM
None of you dumass'es spotted the Knitted character, who I cunningly concealed in the 40k forum, so no non existent prize for any of you! (and it was a good one too!)

):D

I referenced it - I said you had thrown teddy from the cot! In the painted tourney naked mud wrestle thread!!!!

TSINI
07-09-2010, 12:05 PM
I'm loving these!

and a mention too! lucky me :D

Aldramelech
07-09-2010, 01:15 PM
I referenced it - I said you had thrown teddy from the cot! In the painted tourney naked mud wrestle thread!!!!

You have to post here first, so still no non existent prize for you! :p

Denzark
07-10-2010, 02:54 AM
Sweaty BoLS to you too!

redstarone
07-16-2010, 12:50 AM
Aldramelech! I havent had much free time but came across your thread just a bit ago and you sure know how to make people smile :) I was having a great time, but the closer I got to the end of the thread so far, the sadder I got.

Then what do you know, you mention me! Im flattered! It means a whole lot coming from you s im a huge fan of yours :D

Keep up this great thread and the amazing modeling!

Denzark
07-16-2010, 06:39 AM
Aldramelech! I havent had much free time but came across your thread just a bit ago and you sure know how to make people smile :) I was having a great time, but the closer I got to the end of the thread so far, the sadder I got.

Then what do you know, you mention me! Im flattered! It means a whole lot coming from you s im a huge fan of yours :D

Keep up this great thread and the amazing modeling!

Redstarone the website in your tag doesn't seem to exist can you post alink to conversion corner?

Hyperion
07-16-2010, 06:57 AM
Well, this should counteract my early onset Alzheimers. Can't help thinking though, when you condense the week like this the nerd rage really shines through doesn't it... that and the higer level of deviancy than I would have suspected :rolleyes:

Aldramelech
07-16-2010, 11:21 AM
Well what a week. Here I am on a weeks holiday, wife at work, child at school. Now that should equal tres mondo painting you'd think? HA. Monday morning the wife informs me that as I'm at home doing nothing (Bloody cheek) I can attend all the last week at school events for the small person. Net result, less painting then if I were at work! So unfortunately you get less Burp (Complaints to Mrs. Aldramelech on a postcard)

Also you lot have been 37% less funny as well! Slim pickings......... I have wondered if the Burp might be responsible for this, Mel has been very subdued this week for example. I even forgot to insert the knitted character too:D Oh well here we go:

This week - Gordon Brown is dead, Inappropriate behavior with dogs, frontal lobotomy's for gamers and sexy Pith Helmets!

Condensed descriptions of the game or factions in the game have become quite the thing on BOLS recently, with the Testy Texan providing most of them. Our very own Attack of the 50ft woman is not going to be left out mind and Eldergal described some of our favorite steroid freaks in power Armour in Chris Copelands "Which faction should follow Squats out? Why?" thread:

"I don't care if one lot are vampires and the others behave innaopriately with dogs"

This of course raises interesting questions. Are Space Wolves afraid of baths? Should anyone playing Blood Angels armies be compelled to leave steaks and crosses and easily ripped down curtains laying around the battlefield? Are Space Wolves in fact Dutch? Why don't Blood Angels have Igor's? I think about these things too much!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shocking news was delivered on Eldergals "GW supposedly getting a new IP" thread when rbryce announced

"Gordan brown is dead!"

If only that were true :rolleyes: Big Red stepped in at some point and announced that the thread had descended into wish listing and then took it out back and shot it in the head! But not before the forums very own saucepot Eldargal made a very unusual request:

"I wish 8.5% of my bodyweight wasn't in my 'chest'"

Errrrr I don't think your one wish vs 2,00000,0000000 other wishes is going to hold much weight (unlike you chest!)

Over on the Fantasy Forum Cossack caused outrage with his "Chopping up the 8th edition rulebook" thread.
Yep, everybody's favorite pro painting Evangelist proposed separating the rules and fluff in a wanton act of vandalism! Citizenzero however came up with a novel solution to the overweighted tome:

"I may memorize the entire book front to back, then lobotomize myself to remove the fluff"

Its an interesting concept, I'll grant you.......

But what would weigh the most, The 8th edition rule book or Eldargals Chest? There's only one way to find out...

Fight!

In solemnclockwork's "7th to 8th rare and special "duplicate choices" ??" Open war erupted for no apparent reason, but it did provide

Aldramelech's Putdown of The Week

"Remember, it takes two people to have a fight. Either of you could have stopped playing "I'm the biggest baby" pages ago"

Yes Jwolf swung into action like an avenging avenger type thing and then decided to construct a sentence from the following words: Head, shot, thread, In, Back, The, Of, The, The.

Citizenzero then let the side down in his "Collectors Edition roll call" thread where he encouraged the geeks of the forum to new depths of.. well... geekiness by posting the number of their collectors edition 8th rulebook. So, if your bored and sitting around the house wondering if you can use the cooker to stretch sprue with, save yourself the trip to hospital (when she finds out) and the divorce lawyer (when she finds out) and go check it out.

In Colonel Gravis hobby thread, Eldargal (bless her) declared:

"Pith helmets are just so sexy"

I can only agree.......

http://i749.photobucket.com/albums/xx135/andyblackmore/it_aint_half_hot_mum.jpg

So as your resident purveyor of Bolter Porn I suggest a look at 40kgamer's "Truescale Grey Hunter with Great Co Standard" and odinsgrandson's "Flying Salamanders".

I'm off, Girocopters don't paint themselves!

More next week (Please make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!!)

CitizenZero
07-16-2010, 01:21 PM
Haha! I am so glad I randomly found this thread. Easily the best one in the entire lounge!

You are doing the work of the Emperor Aldra! (Karl Franz, not the corpse one...)

eldargal
07-16-2010, 10:38 PM
Kudos on the It Ain't Half Hot Mum pic. You know, with a pith helmet and five inch heels I nearly hit 7ft tall.:rolleyes:

Denzark
07-17-2010, 11:28 AM
It's not in line with the whole riding crop thang though. Hang on sec I do have a North Vietnamese Army Pith Helmet - that and a riding crop?

scadugenga
07-19-2010, 05:03 PM
Kudos on the It Ain't Half Hot Mum pic. You know, with a pith helmet and five inch heels I nearly hit 7ft tall.:rolleyes:

With a pith helmet I couldn't even walk upright through a door...


Aldy--well done---damned funny. :)

Rusty Nail
07-20-2010, 01:28 AM
Originally Posted by eldargal
Kudos on the It Ain't Half Hot Mum pic. You know, with a pith helmet and five inch heels I nearly hit 7ft tall.


With a pith helmet I couldn't even walk upright through a door...



Never mind the helmet, with 5 inch heels I couldn't even walk :)

eldargal
07-20-2010, 02:19 AM
You need strong ankles and quite a lot of practise. Not that I wear them much myself, its bad enough being a 6ft* girl without being 6.5.

*Eight inches or so over the average height of women in the UK, Europe and USA, to put it in perspective.

Rusty Nail
07-20-2010, 02:35 AM
I've got an inch on you and strong ankles, but not any practice, (well none that I'm admitting to anyway), but you're not 16st - and once that mass gets off centre you need to be pretty sharp to bring it back under control otherwise it gets messy very quickly!

Hyperion
07-20-2010, 06:35 AM
I've got an inch on you and strong ankles, but not any practice, (well none that I'm admitting to anyway), but you're not 16st - and once that mass gets off centre you need to be pretty sharp to bring it back under control otherwise it gets messy very quickly!


So, if I ever see a 6'1" 16st Jock in stilettos in, say, 'The Birdcage' I should assume that you aint he?

Rusty Nail
07-20-2010, 03:58 PM
So, if I ever see a 6'1" 16st Jock in stilettos in, say, 'The Birdcage' I should assume that you aint he?
Correct :p

I never go to the Birdcage!

Hyperion
07-20-2010, 04:50 PM
Correct :p

I never go to the Birdcage!

Well, ee would say that wouldn't ee

scadugenga
07-20-2010, 06:12 PM
You need strong ankles and quite a lot of practise. Not that I wear them much myself, its bad enough being a 6ft* girl without being 6.5.

*Eight inches or so over the average height of women in the UK, Europe and USA, to put it in perspective.

We'd almost be eye to eye then!

But I'm yet again thankful to be a guy (with all the attendant challenges that entails) and never having the need, or urge to deal with heels.

Aldramelech
07-21-2010, 01:19 AM
You've never had a decent run ashore if you aint worn heels and suspenders! :)

eldargal
07-21-2010, 02:09 AM
Rule No. 2 of British Humour: Nothing is funnier than a man dressed as a woman.

rbryce
07-21-2010, 03:03 AM
Rule No. 2 of British Humour: Nothing is funnier than a man dressed as a woman.

lol, my step nan almost had a heart attack when i was a teenager after seeing me. At that time i had the whole goth thing going, so there i am walking down the street in 6" platforms, PVC trousers, Man-skirt, tight ripped up tank top, Dreadlocks the colour of the rainbow and a face so pale it looked like i had never seen the sun(clown facepaint is awsome, you can even swim in it!). She drives up to see me mum, and nearly drives off the road. Im soooooo, glad i became more of a gentle hippy(who wears black, green and aubergine) and dont wear any of that cack anymore. ;)

scadugenga
07-21-2010, 06:08 AM
You've never had a decent run ashore if you aint worn heels and suspenders! :)

I think I'll just be thankful I've never experienced this...


Rule No. 2 of British Humour: Nothing is funnier than a man dressed as a woman.

Well, that explains some episodes of Black Adder.

BlacknightIII
07-21-2010, 06:50 AM
You need strong ankles and quite a lot of practise. Not that I wear them much myself, its bad enough being a 6ft* girl without being 6.5.

*Eight inches or so over the average height of women in the UK, Europe and USA, to put it in perspective.

As a 6' 4" man I believe the world needs more women of this height!

Hyperion
07-21-2010, 08:49 AM
Rule No. 2 of British Humour: Nothing is funnier than a man dressed as a woman.

But what about women with beards?

Aldramelech
07-21-2010, 10:13 AM
But what about women with beards?

Or women called "Bob"?

Hyperion
07-21-2010, 11:56 AM
Or women called "Bob"?

Or Bernard

scadugenga
07-21-2010, 10:31 PM
But what about women with beards?


I'll quote BA on this:

"Like the beard, Bridesmaid! Gives me something to hang on to!"

Fell off the damn couch after that bit of joy.

scadugenga
07-21-2010, 10:43 PM
As a 6' 4" man I believe the world needs more women of this height!

I'm not sure where you're from--but we don't in the Midwest. Back in my "find a tall woman and start a race of giants" phase (ah, high school/early college innocence) I dated a lot of tall women (over 6') and *shudder* they all ended badly. And most of my heightocracy* friends had similar experiences--women over 6' (at least in the Midwest) seem to be psychologically effed up. They make great for friends, and wild lovers, but definitely not for long term stable relationships.

Maybe it's something they put in the corn...or, more likely, whatever hell they end up going through in high school.

Though being 6'8", there's something to be said about actually dancing with a lady who doesn't get a crick in her neck trying to make eye-contact...

* Heightocracy: a select group of friends jokingly requiring membership heights for men--at least 6'4", for women, at least 5'10". Enables the use of such lovely phrases like "stop annoying me or I'll grind your bones for my bread."

eldargal
07-22-2010, 12:50 AM
Yup. Trust me, and there is only one thing worse than being a tall girl at school, and that is being a busty, tall girl at school. Your most obvious sex characteristics are at eye height or close to for most of the population and everyone assumes you are a) stupid and b) slutty*. I was 5'10 when I was twelve, wouldn't wish that on anyone. There was one other six foot girl at my school, and she had the even greater misfortune not to fill out and get curves. Poor thing.

...what were we talking about again?:rolleyes:


*This is particularly annoying when you are a) Very smart and b) A Good Girl.

[QUOTE=scadugenga;89904]
Maybe it's something they put in the corn...or, more likely, whatever hell they end up going through in high school.
QUOTE]

Hyperion
07-22-2010, 04:56 AM
I'm not sure where you're from--but we don't in the Midwest. Back in my "find a tall woman and start a race of giants" phase (ah, high school/early college innocence) I dated a lot of tall women (over 6') and *shudder* they all ended badly. And most of my heightocracy* friends had similar experiences--women over 6' (at least in the Midwest) seem to be psychologically effed up. They make great for friends, and wild lovers, but definitely not for long term stable relationships.

Maybe it's something they put in the corn...or, more likely, whatever hell they end up going through in high school.

Though being 6'8", there's something to be said about actually dancing with a lady who doesn't get a crick in her neck trying to make eye-contact...

* Heightocracy: a select group of friends jokingly requiring membership heights for men--at least 6'4", for women, at least 5'10". Enables the use of such lovely phrases like "stop annoying me or I'll grind your bones for my bread."


The perils of being a Viking in a land of Puritans?

scadugenga
07-22-2010, 06:13 AM
The perils of being a Viking in a land of Puritans?

Truer words than you know... ;)

Aldramelech
07-23-2010, 04:41 AM
What? Eh? Friday? Oh for gods sake!

I Suppose you want the Burp? Very well.........

This week Ive have been self analyzing myself with regards to spending. Yes like wargamers the world over I do like to shop and like wargames the world over I am a very organized person and like wargamers the world over I really wish ebay had never been invented! It has just occurred to me that I have begun to plan and buy future projects two armies in advance.

My Dwarfs are nearly finished (by the end of the month) and after that I have a Flames of War early war soviet army sat here ready to be painted. I am now in the process of collecting the army to paint after they are done, 28mm American Civil War. Do I really need to be this annal? No probably not, so why I am I doing it? I think the answer is I'M ADDICTED TO PLASTIC CRACK AND EBAY IS MY DEALER!

So why is there no rehab for wargamers? Drunks/drug addicts/gamblers/sex addicts all get help, where is mine?

I need a new car, mines on its last legs, I need a new laptop, is also on its last legs, a foreign holiday would be nice and cheer Mrs. Aldramelech and Little Aldramelech no end, but its a distant dream. Ive tried to cut down but half price plastic is more addictive then opium!

I'm thinking of starting a support group:D

On the boards this week..............

Melissia denies she's to star in the next Twilight movie, Eldergal clubs baby seals, Duke confirms that American gamers need rehab for more then one reason and I cancel Christmas.

The Fantasy forum was quite subdued this week, their far too busy laying around stroking their new books saying "My precious...." to be on here. Aenir however decided that we were sadly lacking in over decorated, poncy men in tights with outrageous accents and started his "The Lady of the Lake calls out to her valiant Knights" thread.

Now I have to say that I'm in full agreement with a well known group of English actors on this subject, Aquatic Tarts distributing swords willy nilly is no basis for sound government!

Eldargal waded straight in like a 7ft tall pith helmet wearing Valkyrie with this:

"I'm all for fur, but you Kislevites need to start combing the poo out before you make clothes out of it."

PETA have dispatched Matt Damon and Jenifer Aniston to hunt her down and make her see the error of her ways whilst anti hunt protesters are said to be burning her effigy in Somerset!

Religious craziness invaded the 40k forum with Pedrokantor's "Who knew, God Hates Nerds" thread.
Yes some Christian nutters have decided to protest outside a comic book convention. This is not a new thing, back in the eighty's at Salute (The worlds biggest wargames convention for you lost children of the Great British Empire) C.N.D. (Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament) protested outside the venue. We bought a copy of the classic and very funny boardgame "Nuclear War" from a trader and had a whale of a time!:p

Eldargal decided that you Yanks have brought this all on yourselfs!

"See, this is what happens when you let 17th century puritans settle in your country. There was a reason we got rid of them."

And then went on to add:

"And no mince pies. Or Christmas. Anyone ties to take my mince pies away and I'll ******* stab them in the face."

Oi! Potty mouth, calm down:p

Now I cant be doing with the Primary Gifting period at all (apart from the bit were I get presents of course)
So I said:

"I'm with Cromwell and the Major Generals on this I'm afraid "Cancel Christmas!"

I'm currently hiding out in a Little Chef on the B1367 in a vain attempt to avoid being ******* stabbed in the face.......

It was suggested that there might be a reference to Twilight in the Bible and this upset Mel:

"*looks up from sharpening her knives*
Did someone just make a Twilight reference? I swear, blood is so hard to clean off clothes these days."

When she gets back from hagging out in Forks being all "Emo" I'll ask her why she has such a problem with soppy Vampires.

Jwolf decided that the conversation was far too high brow so took the thread over to the Oubliette and shot it in the head for good measure.

But what is better? Comic book fans or Religious Zealots? Theres only one way to find out......

FIGHT!

(If there is an actual fight, someone film it please!)

I was quite surprised to learn on Dukes "People who are going to the event formerly known as Bolscon" that you colonial heathens are aloud to drink fermented beverages at conventions. This sounds great but it wouldn't work over here. If your wondering if having Beer at an English local convention is a good idea, save yourself a trip to the Police station (after the fight) and then hospital (after being glassed) and stick to Diet coke!

All this good natured hospitality does have a downside though. Over on Dukes "Dukes Blood Angels Thread"
the space vampire loving piss artist admitted:

"I was going through my painting desk tonight and guess what I found? A complete box of Sanguinary guard!!! I was stoked! I should hide stuff from myself more often."

I think he needs to take some Diet coke to whatever the hell its called now:D

You lot were all to busy cluttering up my thread this week with "I'm Taller then you" posts that none of you spotted the Knitted Character, so no non existent prize again. (The fact that Ive forgotten where I posted him is neither here nor there).

Now I suppose you lazy *******s want me to recommend some visual entertainment? OK. NoneButone's "Kustom Stompa" is well worth a look and in the Fantasy section "High Elf Diorama from GD Spain" spotted by Gigantor is stunning.

More next Friday (Unless I win the Lottery, In which case I'll be far to rich to talk to you lot)

eldargal
07-23-2010, 09:08 AM
PETA say they would rather go naked than wear fur. I say I'd rather wear fur than go naked. I get enough attention as it is.

Aenir
07-23-2010, 12:01 PM
Hey! Sweet, finally made my first forum burp!

Hey, there were no swords thrown from the water and to top it off Eldargal is one of the Damsels! You cant tell me that you wouldnt follow her seeing as she both has magic (as a Brettonian Damsel) and can beat you down if the magic doesnt work :D

Denzark
07-23-2010, 12:08 PM
There is only one addenda to suspenders for a good run ashore (and there was me thinking Mr A used to run with the Brown Jobs not the Royal Maureens).

That is clearly a heartfelt declaration of ....

NAKED BAR!

I for one am in favour of NAKED FORUM BURP!

(Then we can add meaningfully to a debate about Eldargal - fur or starkers (pith helmets do not negate any meaningful nakedness unless placed like this...)

Aldramelech
07-23-2010, 01:35 PM
There will be no Naked Forum Burp. As President of this Mess I forbid it.

Real pictures of the members of this forum would be scary enough, naked pictures....... I don't even want to contemplate.

Duke
07-23-2010, 02:50 PM
I can't do a naked Picture because the flash would make my skin sparkle and show me for who I really am!

Other Than that I am still trying to figure out if "space vampire loving piss artist" is a good thing. You Brits are so confusing with your queens english...

Duke

Aldramelech
07-23-2010, 02:55 PM
I can't do a naked Picture because the flash would make my skin sparkle and show me for who I really am!

Other Than that I am still trying to figure out if "space vampire loving piss artist" is a good thing. You Brits are so confusing with your queens english...

Duke

Its a good thing:D

Is that a twilight reference? Melissia gonna get you!!!!!!!

(Note to Americans and other space aliens: Piss Artist - a person who enjoys a fermented libation)

Denzark
07-23-2010, 03:40 PM
As a second thought, does anybody else wonder why those bobbies are nicking Jesus?

scadugenga
07-23-2010, 07:32 PM
Okay, now what the hell does "being glassed" mean? Goofy Brits..

It took me playing an impromptu game of "chicken" on a semi-paved over goat trail in western Ireland before I truly understood what a lorry was.

There should be a babel fish for Brittish phrases. ;)

And thank you for banning any naked forum burping. That's just wrong.

In another note--the nerds fought back against Phelps, winning with a rather distinct kind of panache.

Aldramelech
07-24-2010, 12:08 AM
Being Glassed is when a person takes a glass (usually a pint glass) , smashes it against something, and shoves it in your face. This works for bottles too. We dont need guns over here, we're far more inventive :)

Hyperion
07-24-2010, 12:43 PM
I can't do a naked Picture because the flash would make my skin sparkle and show me for who I really am!

Other Than that I am still trying to figure out if "space vampire loving piss artist" is a good thing. You Brits are so confusing with your queens english...

Duke


Oh yes... English insults: inexplicable to the rest of the world. Don't worry mate... WE know whether you've been insulted ;)

Hyperion
07-24-2010, 12:47 PM
Being Glassed is when a person takes a glass (usually a pint glass) , smashes it against something, and shoves it in your face. This works for bottles too. We dont need guns over here, we're far more inventive :)

Less successful alternatives include being fluffy diced or memory foamed

scadugenga
07-24-2010, 10:05 PM
Being Glassed is when a person takes a glass (usually a pint glass) , smashes it against something, and shoves it in your face. This works for bottles too. We dont need guns over here, we're far more inventive :)

Ah, over hear they pretty much use bottles.

Silly rednecks.

Denzark
07-25-2010, 04:35 AM
Ah yes, bottles. I would refer to that as being bottled, as opposed to being glassed. The last person to try to bottle me wasn't strong enough to break the bottle on the wall to rearrange my features with. Herein lies lesson 1 of bottling - thou shalt not select Newcastle Broon Ale as your bottle of choice (unlessyou have arms of Garth).

Hyperion
07-25-2010, 04:09 PM
Ah yes, bottles. I would refer to that as being bottled, as opposed to being glassed. The last person to try to bottle me wasn't strong enough to break the bottle on the wall to rearrange my features with. Herein lies lesson 1 of bottling - thou shalt not select Newcastle Broon Ale as your bottle of choice (unlessyou have arms of Garth).


The new plastic Carlsberg ones are tricky too

Aldramelech
07-30-2010, 07:59 AM
Well here we are, the big weekend is finally here and American geekdom has taken to the roads of the USA, much to the delight of corrupt small town Sheriffs everywhere:

"What broken tail light?, (smash), That broken tail light" :D

Yes Wargamesconwhatyamathingy is upon us all! (well, Americans anyway)

Right about now I would think Big Red is pulling out the last of what little hair he had left and JWolf has gone to find a tower to climb with a high powered rifle. As someone who helps run an annual show I feel your pain.

I can neither confirm or deny that the Knitted Character will be making a guest appearance.

I will leave the topic now with a message to all you on your way to a fun weekend of shopping, drinking and gaming (and I feel that I can speak for all of us over here)

"We hope a close relative of yours dies in a freak yachting accident!" ;)

And we console ourselves with the fact that Melissia might turn up! :eek:

This week Melissia gets excited, RocketRollRebel makes baby Jesus cry and Shotgunjustice declares that Santa is evilllllllll (mermaid man voice).

energongoodie gave everybody a sneak peak of (depending who you are, what day it is, what you had for breakfast) an alleged Heresy period miniature. Yes those Forgeworld gits are at it again! Yet another jaw dropping creation I'll never be able to afford unless I win the Bloody Lottery. But the forum's very own ***** Galore (sitting on her 500,000 acre ranch, whilst slowly stroking an evil looking white cat) Melissia couldn't be doing with it:

"Oh look, Horus Heresy. I can't wait to be bored."

The question is what would get the girl excited? And more importantly, do we want to find out?

Sources have told me that she was last seen in a pickup truck full of Anti Space Marine placards headed towards Austin.......... Be Afraid!

Lessthaned showed us all this week what you win if your top dog at Ardboyz and it safe to say we were all less then impressed. For the English among us, Blue Peter could make a better prize! Lets hope BOLS has something a bit more stylish this weekend. RocketRollRebel wasn't impressed with the whole affair in general and had this to say:

"I love competitive play and am a GT junkie but seeing all those "built the night before" armies make me a sad panda and makes baby Jesus cry."

I went to find out exactly what Baby Jesus had to say on this but my local Vicar still has that damn restraining order.... Bugger.

But what would you prefer, Crap built the night before prizes or Crap built the night before armies?
There is only one way to find out!

FIGHT!

Eldergals "October Mystery Release" is still very much with us (please make it stop) and I can only assume that a distracted Big Red hasn't taken it out the back and shot it in the head for wishlisting as he's far to busy organizing the anti-anti Space Marine protest! Undeadreagan decided to appeal to a higher power with his wishes:

"Dear GW Santa/Dark Gods"

To which Shotgunjustice asked:

"Are you equating Santa with the Dark Pantheon? That adds a whole new element to the annual ritual of a fat bearded stranger forcing his way into your home and giving your stocking a good stuffing."

Well thats ruined my Christmas! I'll be spending the 24th December this year in a chair facing the door with a shotgun now............

The wishing continues, so if your bored sitting around looking at your latest Forgeworld purchase thinking "Resin dust, how bad can it be?" save yourself the trip to hospital and go and join in.

And if your an American and your bored in the back of a mini van heading to Austin wondering if mooning the local sheriff would be fun....... Don't.

If your not going to BOLSwargamesconthingymabob you have ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE not to go over to Harrybuttwhisker's "Scythes test mini", Frost451's "Scratchbuilt Reaver Titan", HellFire's "Swarmlord" and Spellscapes "The Skywarriors of Fenris" for your weekly dose of Bolter Porn, tell em Aldramelech sent you. Also thanks to his magnificent Redness we have an Historical Gaming area!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go have a look, it might surprise you!

More next week (Providing the entire BOLS team isn't killed by Hurricane Melissia)

P.S Duke WAKE UP!

Master Bryss
07-30-2010, 08:41 AM
Oh Aldra, Aldra, Aldra, so far you haven't let my expectations down with this thread. And then you did it. You referenced the English (you've probably done it before but I'm too lazy to note this). Please realise that there is a country north of the border in this glorious nation and refer to us as 'British.' When we're not drinking whiskey and Irn Bru we can be as British as the rest of you!

(Returns to the custom rules forum for the fifth cuppa of the day)

Duke
07-30-2010, 08:51 AM
I so needed that, thanks for the wake up call!

Duke

Aldramelech
07-30-2010, 10:34 AM
Oh Aldra, Aldra, Aldra, so far you haven't let my expectations down with this thread. And then you did it. You referenced the English (you've probably done it before but I'm too lazy to note this). Please realise that there is a country north of the border in this glorious nation and refer to us as 'British.' When we're not drinking whiskey and Irn Bru we can be as British as the rest of you!

(Returns to the custom rules forum for the fifth cuppa of the day)

I am an Englishman from England, I cannot be responsible for representing Celts :p

Shotgun Justice
07-30-2010, 11:45 AM
Well spank my arse and call me kylie, didn't expect to get a mention here so quickly.



Well thats ruined my Christmas! I'll be spending the 24th December this year in a chair facing the door with a shotgun now............

He doesn't come in the door......

Aldramelech
07-30-2010, 12:22 PM
I live in a flat with a flat roof and no chimney :)

Master Bryss
07-30-2010, 12:29 PM
I am an Englishman from England, I cannot be responsible for representing Celts :p.

And yet you lot make us use your money, your monarchs, your TV channels (I'm disowning STV) and now we've got to put up with a toff as PM! Help ma boab!

Shotgun Justice
07-30-2010, 12:30 PM
I live in a flat with a flat roof and no chimney :)

That flat roof sounds perfect for the nefarious ones parking needs. Did I mention he can rappel?

rbryce
07-30-2010, 12:42 PM
And yet you lot make us use your money, your monarchs, your TV channels (I'm disowning STV) and now we've got to put up with a toff as PM! Help ma boab!

lol, but they use scottish notes(the first paper currency was issued by the bank of scotland). as the country up north, im rather fond of it(my parents are scottish, along with the rest of the family), and its only forgotten about cause they took wooly jumpers instead of medicine on their first attempt at a colony(in central america if i remember. wooly jumpers, rainforest, uh-oh!), went bust, then the tax-payers had to foot the bill(funny how history repeats itself). lovin the burp al, now i need to find mels post on going to autin, should be funny!

Aldramelech
07-30-2010, 12:47 PM
And yet you lot make us use your money, your monarchs, your TV channels (I'm disowning STV) and now we've got to put up with a toff as PM! Help ma boab!

When you lot stop sending pirates off to Panama with a ship full of combs and all your cash, you can have your country back..................


That flat roof sounds perfect for the nefarious ones parking needs. Did I mention he can rappel?

I'll be ready for the *******! I wrote a letter last year and everything. Woke up Christmas day and did the wife have Kylie's arse, NO. I renounce Santa and all his empty promises! :mad:

DarkLink
07-30-2010, 04:19 PM
Did I mention he can rappel?

Huh, I broke my leg rappelling. Kinda a freak accident sorta thing

Shotgun Justice
08-02-2010, 09:06 AM
Huh, I broke my leg rappelling. Kinda a freak accident sorta thing

Were you trying to get into Aldramelechs' secure lair? I hear he's beefed up security.


I'll be ready for the *******! I wrote a letter last year and everything. Woke up Christmas day and did the wife have Kylie's arse, NO. I renounce Santa and all his empty promises!

There's been a backlog on Kylies' arses sincing 'Spinning Around'. I hear you have to front a down-payment just to get on the waiting list. That's the thing with artisanal pieces, true beauty can't be assembly lined.

scadugenga
08-08-2010, 06:28 PM
Aldra--um...where's this weeks Burp?

Aldramelech
08-09-2010, 01:39 AM
No burp this week:

Computer sick
Work have new filter and BOLS is blocked (Am negotiating having it unblocked)
On holiday

Normal service shall resume soon.........

Duke
08-09-2010, 10:22 AM
/nerd rage!!!

Drew da Destroya
08-10-2010, 08:43 AM
/nerd rage!!!

The proletariat is rising up! Although it's a strange revolution when a Duke is overthrowing a Sun God/Supervisor of Satan's Wardrobe.

Denzark
08-12-2010, 06:17 AM
Oh no. Not those proles again. If I had known the baser, ruder classes were more revolting than normal, I would have indented for the Mess Webley...

Aldramelech
08-13-2010, 02:16 AM
Good God its Friday again...............

This week I have been on Holiday from work so Ive not had much time to compile stuff, so its more of a rant this week.

Last week you were deprived of any Burp at all and you can thank the good people of the IT Department (Tossers) at the college where I work for that. These computer geniuses have installed a new filtering system that has blocked BOLS completely because its about games. Now I have tried to explain to the half whits that not all games in the world are computer games and that there are many other types of games out there but this just confused the hell out of them and drew looks of pure incomprehension. I then tried to explain that this was a site where you could talk about games but could not play any games, that didn't work either. They really are a great set of guys, when I try to do some real work and my computer says "NO" can they ever fix it? Nope, their far too busy sucking the enjoyment out of the internet and banning everything in sight to do that, although I have noticed that their Ebay habit is still well catered for and Dakka Dakka has slipped totally under their radar. My Battle continues.............

So last Friday I left work far behind me and looked forward to a nice relaxing weeks holiday. Due to various reasons that include my plastic and resin addiction, Mrs. Aldramelech's desire to remodel the bathroom and the world wide financial meltdown this unfortunately does not involve jetting off to a sunny beach where I can wear impenetrable shades and gaze at topless women all day. Still should get plenty of painting done Eh? Ohhhhhh No. That means something far more sinister.......... Day trips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I have a solid set of rules for a happy holiday that I have developed over the years:

1/ Snow. I don't do snow in any way shape or form. Why the hell is speeding down a mountain dressed as a Power Ranger and ending up in Hospital with 6 broken bones fun? Buggered if I know.......

2/ Wildlife. I do not go to countries where the indigenous wildlife actively tries to kill you. I do not do spiders in toilets, scorpions in shoes, sharks in the water, snakes in cupboards or cuddly looking large fury predators that want to eat you. I have a theory that Australians are so laid back because their already dead and they know it. No Worries Mate!

3/ AK47's. I do not go to any country where 75% of the population own AK47's. There's something about that weapon that brings out the worst in people.

4/ Daytrips. I will do everything in my power to avoid, wherever possible, going on daytrips!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now Mrs. Aldramelech cannot drive, there many and various reasons for this, but lets just say that the population of Great Britain and Northern Ireland should be thankful that this is so. Unfortunately this also means that during the six weeks school holidays she can only take Little Miss Aldramelech out on public transport (and as we live smack bang in the middle of England's biggest holiday destination, with 10 beaches within 20mins bus ride of casa la Aldramelech, whats the problem I ask?) all of which means that when I get the week off, she insists that we jump in the car and behave like the Tourists I spend 6 months of the year cursing for generally getting in my bloody way! We even have a name for the Bastrds.... Grockle's.

So on Tuesday the Aldramelech Women decided that they would like to visit a popular water park on the English Riviera. What does Aldramelech think? Aldramelech thinks this is a bad idea and tries to explain that being a large mammal he shoots down water slides at twice the velocity of his much smaller brethren. My objections were of course overruled.

Two hours of wet and wild fun (I use the word loosely) Aldramelech is effectively crippled.:eek:

Yesterday she who must be obeyed came up with a very special form of torture. I was forced to drive for an hour and a half, right past the entrance of the Bovington Tank Museum, to Monkey World. Three hours of wandering about looking at very bored looking rescued primates (one wonders if they would have preferred to stay in the lab with an endless supply of cigarettes and makeup rather then a rubber tyre) the highlight of which was walking through the Lemur enclosure.

Yes the opportunity to walk among them so long as you don't Feed them, touch them, take flash photo's of them or breath in their general direction. As it was they spent most of their time hiding in the inaccessible corner of the enclosure and when one did venture in our direction Little Aldramelech got jumped on by a very serious teenager in an official T-Shirt because she was within 1 meter of King Julian.
And all the time I was being teased by the sound of the British Army playing with their Challenger 2 Tanks on the driving ranges less then a mile away.............. She is a cruel, cruel woman.

As I type, the Females are emerging from their respective pits and I sit here with dread awaiting todays itinerary.:confused:

So back to work on Monday (thank you god) where hopefully the filter will be sorted out (they've had a week for gods sake) and we will return to the burps regular format.

Until then, Happy Holidays everyone!:D

http://i749.photobucket.com/albums/xx135/andyblackmore/untitled.jpg

Master Bryss
08-13-2010, 04:47 AM
A most excellent rant. Clarkson would be proud.

scadugenga
08-13-2010, 06:10 PM
I'm rather surprised your college filter is so harsh.

The uni I used to work at (thank you god/s that's the past...) had a ridiculously liberal filter.

Perhaps too much, as professors had been caught printing porn off the web. Heh. Christian affiliated universities...

10-1 those IT folks are probably playing WoW while your filter prevents BoLS...

Hyperion
08-16-2010, 03:11 PM
Good God its Friday again...............

This week I have been on Holiday from work so Ive not had much time to compile stuff, so its more of a rant this week.

Last week you were deprived of any Burp at all and you can thank the good people of the IT Department (Tossers) at the college where I work for that. These computer geniuses have installed a new filtering system that has blocked BOLS completely because its about games. Now I have tried to explain to the half whits that not all games in the world are computer games and that there are many other types of games out there but this just confused the hell out of them and drew looks of pure incomprehension. I then tried to explain that this was a site where you could talk about games but could not play any games, that didn't work either. They really are a great set of guys, when I try to do some real work and my computer says "NO" can they ever fix it? Nope, their far too busy sucking the enjoyment out of the internet and banning everything in sight to do that, although I have noticed that their Ebay habit is still well catered for and Dakka Dakka has slipped totally under their radar. My Battle continues.............

So last Friday I left work far behind me and looked forward to a nice relaxing weeks holiday. Due to various reasons that include my plastic and resin addiction, Mrs. Aldramelech's desire to remodel the bathroom and the world wide financial meltdown this unfortunately does not involve jetting off to a sunny beach where I can wear impenetrable shades and gaze at topless women all day. Still should get plenty of painting done Eh? Ohhhhhh No. That means something far more sinister.......... Day trips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I have a solid set of rules for a happy holiday that I have developed over the years:

1/ Snow. I don't do snow in any way shape or form. Why the hell is speeding down a mountain dressed as a Power Ranger and ending up in Hospital with 6 broken bones fun? Buggered if I know.......

2/ Wildlife. I do not go to countries where the indigenous wildlife actively tries to kill you. I do not do spiders in toilets, scorpions in shoes, sharks in the water, snakes in cupboards or cuddly looking large fury predators that want to eat you. I have a theory that Australians are so laid back because their already dead and they know it. No Worries Mate!

3/ AK47's. I do not go to any country where 75% of the population own AK47's. There's something about that weapon that brings out the worst in people.

4/ Daytrips. I will do everything in my power to avoid, wherever possible, going on daytrips!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now Mrs. Aldramelech cannot drive, there many and various reasons for this, but lets just say that the population of Great Britain and Northern Ireland should be thankful that this is so. Unfortunately this also means that during the six weeks school holidays she can only take Little Miss Aldramelech out on public transport (and as we live smack bang in the middle of England's biggest holiday destination, with 10 beaches within 20mins bus ride of casa la Aldramelech, whats the problem I ask?) all of which means that when I get the week off, she insists that we jump in the car and behave like the Tourists I spend 6 months of the year cursing for generally getting in my bloody way! We even have a name for the Bastrds.... Grockle's.

So on Tuesday the Aldramelech Women decided that they would like to visit a popular water park on the English Riviera. What does Aldramelech think? Aldramelech thinks this is a bad idea and tries to explain that being a large mammal he shoots down water slides at twice the velocity of his much smaller brethren. My objections were of course overruled.

Two hours of wet and wild fun (I use the word loosely) Aldramelech is effectively crippled.:eek:

Yesterday she who must be obeyed came up with a very special form of torture. I was forced to drive for an hour and a half, right past the entrance of the Bovington Tank Museum, to Monkey World. Three hours of wandering about looking at very bored looking rescued primates (one wonders if they would have preferred to stay in the lab with an endless supply of cigarettes and makeup rather then a rubber tyre) the highlight of which was walking through the Lemur enclosure.

Yes the opportunity to walk among them so long as you don't Feed them, touch them, take flash photo's of them or breath in their general direction. As it was they spent most of their time hiding in the inaccessible corner of the enclosure and when one did venture in our direction Little Aldramelech got jumped on by a very serious teenager in an official T-Shirt because she was within 1 meter of King Julian.
And all the time I was being teased by the sound of the British Army playing with their Challenger 2 Tanks on the driving ranges less then a mile away.............. She is a cruel, cruel woman.

As I type, the Females are emerging from their respective pits and I sit here with dread awaiting todays itinerary.:confused:

So back to work on Monday (thank you god) where hopefully the filter will be sorted out (they've had a week for gods sake) and we will return to the burps regular format.

Until then, Happy Holidays everyone!:D

http://i749.photobucket.com/albums/xx135/andyblackmore/untitled.jpg

I know the feeling... I had to go ABROAD for two weeks and then she made me have conversations and eat at restaurants and stuff. Right now I have about one eighth of a will to live...

eldargal
08-17-2010, 07:46 AM
Topless women are overrated in my opinion. Hurts when I run.

I'd rather go to the tank museum, I see no point to monkeys. Can't eat them or wear their skin, they aren't half as funny as chavs. I'd rather watch tanks trundle about with their big, erect cannons and whatnot.
Waterslides are no good to me either, owing to some genetic stuff up I have none of that nearly invisible downy hair stuff on my body and the lack of friction tends allows me to reach unnatural velocities and I get friction burns. Once I skipped over the water like a stone, would have done myself an injury hitting the wall had I not slammed into a convenient fat man.

Yay forum belches.

scadugenga
08-17-2010, 05:58 PM
Once I skipped over the water like a stone, would have done myself an injury hitting the wall had I not slammed into a convenient fat man.

This conjures the oddest of images...

There should have been a Looney Tunes theme going on in the background for that.

kevinmcd28
08-17-2010, 10:52 PM
Topless women are overrated in my opinion. Hurts when I run.

...... had I not slammed into a convenient fat man.



Convient fat men are very much convient XD

Bigred
08-17-2010, 11:55 PM
Aldramelech, that was one heck of an entertaining story! Dont give up on those IT guys.

Eldargal, such a tease, everybody knows Autarch boobs don't bounce. The codex artwork proves it!

Duke
08-18-2010, 11:13 PM
Convient fat men are very much convient XD

and fat.

Duke
08-28-2010, 12:27 PM
Aldra... Where is the forum burp?! The powers that be demand a forum burp... Or at least a song to support Liverpool.

Duke

gwensdad
08-28-2010, 01:23 PM
aldra... Where is the forum burp?! The powers that be demand a forum burp... Or at least a song to support liverpool.

Duke

burps for the burp god! Quotes for the throne of perv!

Aldramelech
08-29-2010, 02:43 AM
The IT idiots will not relent! Unfortunately the inclusion of BOLS Arcade means that the ban will not be lifted, I might at some point in my working day be tempted to play a game other then solitaire and the fabric of reality might fail as a result!

Although it seems quite simple the Burp is quite time consuming and involves me spending alot of time on here, time that has now been drastically reduced and I am very busy at the moment trying to get a complete FOW army done in record time.

Also the Burp depends alot on you guys as well and things around here have been rather slow of late.

The Burp is not dead, but it is in hospital and not doing well...........

Drew da Destroya
08-30-2010, 11:54 AM
Quick! Somebody say something racy!

gwensdad
08-30-2010, 02:09 PM
Quick! Somebody say something racy!

um...cover saves are so common in 5th edition I should just model an all-naked army that gets their saves from cover. I'm thinking Sisters but definiatly NOT orks or any form of chaos.

(racy enough? I don't do so well under pressure)

Old_Paladin
08-31-2010, 07:49 AM
I should just model an all-naked army... but definiatly NOT any form of chaos.

Hey! There is nothing wrong about Naked Slanneshi cultists (Nurgle on the other hand... *shudder*).

Kieranator K82
09-01-2010, 12:36 AM
Hey! There is nothing wrong about Naked Slanneshi cultists (Nurgle on the other hand... *shudder*).

I suppose you had to come out of the void sometime...

Old Paladin is into transsexuals and assorted creepy stuff.
You heard it here first!

Aldramelech
09-01-2010, 01:02 AM
I have won the Battle! The lovely people from IT who are fantastic in every way and deserve long and happy lives (What? I didnt say that last week at all!) have relented!

The Burp lives!!!!!!

Normal service shall resume a week Friday.........

scadugenga
09-03-2010, 05:31 PM
I have won the Battle! The lovely people from IT who are fantastic in every way and deserve long and happy lives (What? I didnt say that last week at all!) have relented!

The Burp lives!!!!!!

Normal service shall resume a week Friday.........

Excellent!

More burp is a good thing.

Ye gods, that sounds wrong...

Kieranator K82
09-04-2010, 04:45 AM
Ye gods, that sounds wrong...

Everything in this thread is wrong! That's part of its charm.

scadugenga
09-04-2010, 12:47 PM
Everything in this thread is wrong! That's part of its charm.

True, dat.

scadugenga
09-11-2010, 04:02 PM
Another friday passes yet w/no Burp!
]
Aldi's dropping the ball...

Kieranator K82
09-11-2010, 07:57 PM
Perhaps... perhaps this week was soooo boring that nothing worth burping about happened.

:(

Or maybe, the IT Guys kidnapped Aldramelech and, dare I say it, are torturing him! Maybe they are servants of the Void Dragon!?

Denzark
09-12-2010, 05:48 AM
Maybe Mr A has an incredibly life like and realistic, Mission Impossible-esque face mask, and is actually appearing on Strictly Come Dancing masquerading as Anne Widdecombe.

Aldramelech
09-12-2010, 01:42 PM
Laptop has died, Comet and Currys have refused me credit to buy a new one! Communicating from a friends.

Bear with me.............

scadugenga
09-12-2010, 05:53 PM
Laptop has died, Comet and Currys have refused me credit to buy a new one! Communicating from a friends.

Bear with me.............

That sucks, man...

Drew da Destroya
09-17-2010, 08:54 AM
We can only hope that Adramelech has had plenty of soda today!

Also, that his laptop is less dead. At least undead.

Kieranator K82
09-20-2010, 05:07 AM
Did you Burp this week?
:confused:
You did not.
:(

Aldramelech
09-20-2010, 08:12 AM
Did you Burp this week?
:confused:
You did not.
:(

You give me the £300 I need to replace my laptop, I'll burp as much as you want.

Old_Paladin
09-20-2010, 05:39 PM
You give me the £300... I'll burp as much as you want.

That's gotta rate pretty high on the list of weird and expensive fetishes.

Kieranator K82
09-21-2010, 03:37 AM
That's gotta rate pretty high on the list of weird and expensive fetishes.

I lol'd.

And I don't have 300 pounds. or $300.

therealjohnny5
09-22-2010, 12:44 PM
i pee'd my self a little...

Duke
10-01-2010, 08:10 PM
i pee'd my self a little...

Just an FYI, this also rates high on the previously mentioned scale.

Duke

scadugenga
11-18-2010, 10:09 PM
Alright, Aldy.

It's been a good long time.

Burp already. You have hopefully replaced the laptop by now...

Aldramelech
11-19-2010, 02:32 AM
No I haven't. The problem is it overheats and turns itself off if Im on the internet for any length of time, some things are worst then others, Photobucket sends it nuts within 2 mins. The net result is I can only be on for short bursts and the burp takes quite a long time. I did try a couple of weeks ago, got half way through and lost the lot.

The last two months have been a bloody nightmare with unexpected expenses, Dentist, car tyres and now of course Ive got Christmas to contend with. I have curbed my Ebay addicttion and have brought my credit card firmly under control but realisticaly we're looking at January/February before I can upgrade.

As I type the fan is going nuts even now, and its about warm as the north pole in here! lol

scadugenga
11-22-2010, 10:23 PM
Sounds like the cpu heatsink's shot. Had that happen to my old desktop. Same issues. Needed a new fan and new conducting crap, whatever it's called. Wasn't *too* expensive, just time consuming and annoying.

Though I imagine it's far more complicated with a laptop.

Aldramelech
12-21-2010, 03:44 PM
Is that you Aldramelech?, is this me?

Down at Aldramelech HQ things are nice and quiet, two weeks off for Xmas plenty of food and....... WHOOGA WHOOGA WHOOGA (Big red lights flash, little Aldramelech and Mrs Aldramelech assume positions at complex looking consoles) WHOOGA WHOOGA!

"Status!" I shout ( A little too loudly, this is only a two bedroom flat)

"Incoming from BOLS!" reports little Aldramelech

"BOLS?" I reply "What could be so important from BOLS? What threads do we have running there?"

"Nothing anyone is reading" says Mrs Aldramelech (a little too smugly) "Early War Soviets for FOW died about two weeks ago and Secrets of the Third Reich is as about as interesting as Ed Miliband!"

"Yes, thank you for that Number One!" Blimey if you cant get people Interested in Na*i Zombies what can you do?

An extra hard stare from her indoors "And you spellt Reich wrong"

"It appears that a best thread of the year thread has started" pipes up the small person.

"OK, whats so important about that?" I ask in exasperation

"Buffo has been nominated!" they both yell hysterically

"NO, this cannot be aloud to happen!"

I reach for the microphone "Now hear This, Now Hear This... Set condition 1 throughout the flat for Burp!

Another long stare from Her who will be obeyed (when the mood takes me) "Was that really necessary? Its only a two bedroom flat you know"

I pretend not to hear, the laptop fires up.

From Mini Me "Fan temperature critical, we don't have the power!"

"Go to 110% on the reactor!" I scream "We have to get this out!"

"She cant take it! Its all going to....................

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Transmission Ends-Contact Lost

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Aldramelech
12-21-2010, 04:01 PM
But seriously, 45 games with Dark Eldar? Really? When there have been several threads involving masturbation by 6ft tall blond girls with Russian accents? Nerds really are not who they used to be........:rolleyes:

Now I like the idea of some of the painting threads, the standard is seriously high there, but then Female Space Marines had to have been the biggest interweb argument EVER, that has to count for something?

But what would be best? A thread that has jumped on the latest of GW fads or one that ran all year and will continue to provide inspiration all next year with fab painting?

There's only one way to find out........


FIGHT!!!!!

On the upside my last remaining Grandparent is at deaths door and I stand to inherit from the old crone, so new laptops are being looked at right now:D Thats if I don't spend the whole lot on Naz$ Zombies.........

A Very Happy Primary Gifting Period and a Merry Generosity Zone to one and all!

Denzark
12-21-2010, 04:42 PM
Why Ambassador, you spoil us...

Faultie
12-21-2010, 06:28 PM
Woo hoo!
http://www.majhost.com/gallery/darcoarco/WM/wereback.jpg

Drew da Destroya
12-21-2010, 07:49 PM
It's a Christmas/Post-Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Ramadan/Winter Solstice/Tuesday/Festivus Miracle!

That should cover most of the denominations, I think.

gwensdad
12-21-2010, 07:51 PM
It's a Christmas/Post-Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Ramadan/Winter Solstice/Tuesday Miracle!

That should cover most of the denominations, I think.

You left out Festivus.
But it is a true Festivus miracle!

fuzzbuket
12-22-2010, 01:49 AM
funniest thread for a while :D


p.s.
all you nutters scare me, much more than my hooded mates :P <-- fuzz'z young mind has beenn scarred)

p.p.s not that i ever was completley sane arfter watchin afro samurai and hellsing ultimate a s a 12yr old

Drew da Destroya
12-22-2010, 11:21 AM
Damn! You're right, I totally forgot it. Fixed for the restivus!

fuzzbuket
03-12-2011, 04:26 PM
is aldramech dead.....?

Drew da Destroya
03-14-2011, 08:29 AM
Just his computer and will to live.

Aldramelech
08-16-2011, 03:58 AM
I have a new laptop :)

gwensdad
08-16-2011, 07:58 AM
I have a new laptop :)

As the prophecy foretold THE BURP SHALL RISE!

Master Bryss
08-16-2011, 07:59 AM
In the beginning, it was dark. Then Aldra said "Let there be light," and there was light. And the light of the computer screen was good.

Then it committed the original sin, that of Breaking Pretty Badly. And Aldra could do nought but watch his greatest creation, that of a British TV-based forum parody thingy, wither and decay.

And now He has sent down a great flood to wipe out the decay, allowing the Burp to start afresh.

I shall be watching, Mr Melech...

TSINI
03-18-2012, 02:08 PM
can i just get the Burp juices flowing with this post...

from the "Your 40k Low Points" (http://www.lounge.belloflostsouls.net/showthread.php?t=19955) Thread by Grenadier


Getting drunk during an Apocalypse game with a friend, she dared me to lick one of my Cobras D-cannons, I did so causing some of the watching teenage club members to make a mess in their trousers (seriously though, get a grip). Got banned from my own club for a week.

Had a squad of ten Howling Banshees with Farseer locked in combat with twenty grots for four turns.

Mistook superglue for lipstick and glued my lips shut. How my brothers laughed.

Found a Dire Avenger head glued between my breasts while in the bath one evening.

Oh and one from one of my brothers, he just finished painting a Reaver titan when his cat tackle-hugged it off the desk and onto the floor.

Denzark
03-27-2012, 03:17 PM
Where did I miss D-cannon licking?

Bloody hell head off on holiday to Afghanistan for a bit and everything goes crazy.

Psychosplodge
03-28-2012, 01:40 AM
And the weathers probably been better here this week too...

Aldramelech
03-28-2012, 02:32 AM
Where did I miss D-cannon licking?

Bloody hell head off on holiday to Afghanistan for a bit and everything goes crazy.

Welcome back Zark, all the big pieces still attached I trust? ;)

Denzark
03-29-2012, 02:33 PM
All the Primary Weapons are still serviceable mate, although the beer tolerance has suffered a stunned or shaken result! Mid R&R which is awesome, back to the sandbox next week.

Aldramelech
03-29-2012, 03:27 PM
You'd think someone would sell beer down the jingly market :)

Enjoy mate, you've earned it!

scadugenga
03-29-2012, 07:52 PM
Glad you're back safe, Denz. Enjoy the leave!

SotonShades
03-30-2012, 02:15 AM
Hope all goes OK when you are back out there too. Remember, Extra Armour is only +15 Points

Psychosplodge
03-30-2012, 03:34 AM
And always take the smoke launchers!!

Denzark
03-30-2012, 02:39 PM
Ha thanks for the thoughts guys wildo (I only go so I can afford FW goodies...:D)