warhammer 40k humor thread

[Skragger]

Ahahaha.. no funny pictures but a funny story. Turn 6, two of the three objectives are held by myself, my IG friend holds the other one. His solution? Ram one of my objectives with his Leman Russ, brought the thing down and tied the game! Next day he painted a little building next to the kill markers on its side. I'll get a pic next chance I get for you all!

[Schnitzel]

Found this one on another forum one day. Pretty amusing.

"My Lord, I bring news."
Typhus Marburg paused in his study of the situation map of the dreary little planet his forces were engaged in ravaging. "Yes?"
"Lord. Starships have appeared in the outer system and are on course for a landing. They have been identified as elements of the Flesh Tearers."
"Yeah? Tell them to sod off and find their own world. Tell 'em we got here first."
"Sire, you misunderstand. They are here to defend this world!"
"What! Why? It's a sorry state of affairs when the followers of Chaos start to defend the weakling Imperium from each other!"
"Um, Lord... the Flesh Tearers are a loyalist chapter."
"They are? With a name like that! Are you sure they're not one of ours?"
"Positive, My Lord."
"Have you been able to call for any assistance?"
"The Astropaths have contacted other forces nearby. Unfortunately this has also alerted other loyalist forces in the sector and they are also headed our way."
"Bugger. So who gets here first then?"
"The Alpha Legion, sire."
"It never rains, it only pours, hey?"
"Umm..."
"What!"
"The Alpha Legion is one of ours."
"It is?!"
"Yes."
"I'm confused. You're telling me that a mob called the 'Flesh Tearers' isn't one of ours but a mob called the - what was it again..."
"The Alpha Legion, sire."
"Right... a mob called the Alpha Legion is one of ours."
"That is correct, sire."
"So who else is showing up to this barney then?"
"The Blood Drinkers."
"One of ours?"
"One of theirs."
"OK."
"The Iron Warriors."
"One of theirs?"
"No. One of ours."
"Go figure."
"The Dark Angels."
"Now I've heard of them. Followers of Slaanesh aren't they?"
"No, I think you're thinking of The Fallen, sire. The Dark Angels are Loyalists too."
"Bugger. So who else then?"
"The Emperor's Children."
"Oh, that one's too easy. They're obviously loyalists with a name like that."
"Um, not exactly my Lord."
"Really?"
"Yes, Lord. They're one of ours too."

"This is silly. All the really evil sounding names are being used by weakling loyalists while it seems as though the forces of chaos have got the naff monikers. Are there any more of these I should know about?"
"A few, Lord."
"OK then, spell it out for me, starting with Loyalists that sound like traitors and then moving onto traitors that sound like Loyalists."
"I will attempt to do so, Lord. OK - the Loyalists that sound like traitors... the Marauders, Rampagers, Destroyers and Storm Lords, all White Scar second foundings in point of fact."
"I like the sound of the Storm Lords. You sure they aren't one of ours?"
"Quite sure. Then there's the Blood Drinkers and the Flesh Tearers - both of which are Loyalist second founding of the Blood Angels."
"With names like that I'd always assumed they were more bone headed followers of the blood god."
"Not so far, My Lord. Then there's the Red Talons..."
"I thought they were renegade pirates."
"No Lord, that's the Red Corsairs."
"Oh. OK. Continue."
"The Brazen Claws are loyalists too."
"Good name for a Khornate force though isn't it?"
"Yes Lord. Then there's the Black Guard (not to be confused with the Black Legion which IS one of ours), the Revilers, and the Raptors."
"Hold on a minute! The Raptors? They're definitely ours. Hell we've got a small unit of them attached to our forces haven't we?"
"My Lord, those are the troops known as Raptors but there is also a loyalist legion with the same name."
"Must get a bit confusing for the loyalists then?"
"I imagine so, My Lord. There are also the Doom Eagles, the Silver Skulls, and the Iron Hands (not to be mistaken for the Iron Warriors, who are ours)."
"Bloody hell. Is that it?"
"There are also some lesser known chapters that also seem to cause occasional confusion."
"Such as..."
"The Doomfarers are one that our forces have occasionally encountered."
"Oh yeah. Those yoyos. So what about the Chaos forces that sound like loyalists then..."

"Well as mentioned earlier there are The Emperor's Children, The Iron
Warriors, the Thousand Sons, and the Lunar Wolves, who changed their name to the Sons of Horus and then to the Black Legion..."
"Well at least they're easily IDed as one of ours now. The Black Legion eh? Now that's a proper name. Just positively oozes evil from every pore."
"Yes, Lord. To continue, there are also the Word Bearers, and the Alpha Legion."
"The Word Bearers? What kind of silly name is that for a Chaos Legion?"
"They used to be missionaries sire"
"We you'd think that once they switched to our side they'd change their name to something a little more in keeping with being evil mad men. I mean come on 'The Word Bearers'? It's a silly name."
"Yes my Lord"
"You know, I think the forces of Chaos should have proper Chaos names. There's no room for mistakes when you're called something like 'The World Eaters' or 'The Death Guard'..."
"Actually Lord, both those chapters had those names when they were loyalists."
"You're kidding."
"No, My Lord."

"Yeesh. I would have thought names like that would be a bit scary for the average imperial citizen. I mean "Yay we're being rescued by the World Eaters" just doesn't sound credible while "Aargh! Flee! It's the World Eaters" seems much more likely."
"Yes, My Lord. I believe the latter is more likely these days anyway."
"Makes no bloody sense at all."
"Yes, My Lord."
"Kill 'em all and let the Chaos Gods sort 'em out I say."
"Sounds like a completely reasonable approach to me, My Lord."

[gwensdad]

Some people, they can't leave well enough alone and are now going after the BoLS website: [URL="http://kanyelicio.us/http://belloflostsouls.net"]case in point![/URL]

[entendre_entendre]

possible nurgle stand-in?
[url]http://s920.photobucket.com/albums/ad46/entendre_entendre/?action=view&current=madcow-6556.jpg[/url]
Don't drink the milk! Have the Kool-aid instead!

[sketchesofpayne]

Some 40k comics I drew a while ago:

[URL="http://emperorschosen.blogspot.com/"]http://emperorschosen.blogspot.com/[/URL]

[gwensdad]

[URL="http://www.flickr.com/photos/21441611@N00/4501709466/"][/URL]

Yeah, this joke kinda just popped in my head. Also to show size comparisons for someone that asked.
The Bloodthirster is a really really old one. Possibly one of the first ones designed.

(put a lower-res version of this in the gallery earlier today, here's the original on my flickr account)

[RocketRollRebel]

Yay Peeps and yay for super old Blood thirster!

[eldargal]

I forget about this thread.

In my group we have started measuring Hive Fleet size in the Lictor Scale ( 1250pt nid army would be 1.25 on the lictor scale, for example) and our lady 'nid player made a whole bunch of little denim trousers for one of her genestealer broods or whatever you call them.

I thought that it was funny.

[gwensdad]

I forget about this thread.

In my group we have started measuring Hive Fleet size in the Lictor Scale ( 1250pt nid army would be 1.25 on the lictor scale, for example) and our lady 'nid player made a whole bunch of little denim trousers for one of her genestealer broods or whatever you call them.

I thought that it was funny.

Are they wearing them or just stealing the jeans? Pics?

[eldargal]

Some are wearing them, others are in the process of trying to put them on, others have them dangling from their claws like they had just stolen them. She put a lot of effort into converting them but they weren't painted last time I saw them. Will see about pics.