Women GW gamers?

[Dan-e]

Ok i had an EX that was big into gaming, mostly RP and Board games, She loved watching me play 40k and would often talk during matches about what my plans were and would debate my tactics. She was like my second in command. Once in a while i would even let her play my army, but mind you it was rare.

One day i asked her why she didn't buy her own army and play herself? i mean i would have loved the chance to play against her. The only response i could get from her on the subject was that she didn't like how much it cost as she wouldn't be able to spend as much on Clothes and Make-Up and stuff. Now mind you this girl isn't really a "nerd" she would be more likely be associated with Rock-A-Billy/Pycho-Billy Music scenes or as my friends caledl her, "Hot Topic Chick".



Now most women aren't like this and i know a few guys who have Girl friends who play, most of them are SoB but a few like Orks. The few Orks players has a lot to do with Ska Music and the painting style of the orks, the checker patterns and stuff.

I think when you get down to it, it comes to the matter of how did the girl find out about GW games. Were they in the store looking at a bunch of Fatbeards playing around tables or was it the guy they knew for a long time keep talking about how COOL his army is or how badly he beat his last opposite? i would go on the record and say most girls who play are Girlfriends or Ex-Girlfriends and didn't know about the games before said boyfriend or Ex.

[VinceBlack]

Answering EmperorEternalXIX post:

I can feel your pain and have seen some of this among some of my friends and their girlfriends/wives. Unfortunately this is more a problem of improper boundaries being placed at the formation of the relationship; just dubbing the women as psycho's is unfairly placing all the blame on the woman. To flip this idea ask yourself how many times you have seen a gamer friend of yours vanish like a thief in the night because he gets a new girlfriend and suddenly everything, gaming and friends in general, becomes insignificant in comparison to the girl. I have lost gamers and even a friend of over 15 years to this phenomenon. The goods are sweet and guy's will lose their minds especially if they have a rough time obtaining relationships.

Once the intensity of the relationship begins to simmer often you will see your friends emerge once again but with the problems that you described in your post. The issue again is not crazy GF's but women who in a way have been duped, are scorned, and act out in inappropriate ways. Remember 9 out of 10 times the guy all but walked away from gaming to spend time with her. He spends all his free time with her setting up an expectation that this is how things will be only to return to his gaming ways and leave her frustrated.

I haven't had any issues over all the years because I don't hide the fact that I am a gamer. Too often guys do this the women is taken by surprise to find the her man has a mistress that takes a considerable amount of time. Don't get me wrong I don't mention gaming on the first date but if things progress its right out in the open. They either accept me as a gamer or I move on to the next. Guys get so blinded by the "female goods" that they compromise themselves creating a mess for themselves down the road. Avoid the mess and put it all out there. Hiding or minimizing your involvement in gaming only creates situations like the ones you described. She either accepts you as a gamer 100% or she doesn't its your choice to stay with her or move on... and any guy who is married to a "psycho" or has kids with her made a bad choice so that's not an excuse either, there are no such thing as "accidents" with marriage or children only people who don't play it smart.

Anyhow I understand your frustration, women sometimes take gaming more personally than infidelity. Its hard for me to understand that, it must be their more emotional nature. in the case of my gaming group we don't drink, go to the clubs/strip clubs, and aren't getting into any trouble. Isn't that every girl's ideal set of friends for her boyfriend/husband? Again I shake my head every time one has to retire early or is unable to participate because ultimately he did it to himself.

[eldargal]

EmperorEternal does raise a good point, but in my own personal experience it has been boys/men who have failed to say 'I'm a gamer, it is part of me, take it or leave it.' that have opened the door to such things. Not that I'm excusing women who try and force their boyfriend/husband to leave their hobby, not at all. We had one girl start coming along to our group with her boyfriend, and then basically trying to embaress him so much he would be too embaressed to return. We told him we knew what was going on and that he would always be welcome. Really though, Vinceblack makes a very sensible response, I don't have much more to add to it.
As to escapism, I can't speak for all girls but I play it to escape too. The GW fluff, both 40k and FB is some of the most interesting and engaging there is, in my opinion, and I love escaping to it.
So there are certainly women out there, I wouldn't say it is 1000 to one, who want to crush the hobby. they shouldn't be going out with/married to hobbyists if they feel that way.

I would prefer to keep this topic for discussion about girl gamers, as opposed to complaints from either side now that this point has been raised and discussed.

[Kahoolin]

Re EmperorEternalXIX's post:

Wow. I wouldn't say any relationship where the guy is dumped/bullied for his hobby is a healthy relationship.

On the other hand, what's wrong with checking with your wife/girlfriend to make sure they don't mind you're playing? The guy who you said plays two weeks out of four, to me that doesn't read like his wife is dominating him, it reads like they have compromised, which is what good relationships are all about. I mean, you're meant to actually love your wife/girlfriend and enjoy spending time with them aren't you? Surely two weekends out of every month isn't too much for them to ask?

My girlfriend is not interested at all in GW games, and she hates me leaving GW crap all over the house , but she accepts that it's my hobby. In return I try not to bore her with constant warhammer stories, try to spend as much time with her as I do my hobby, and try not to blow all our money on models heh heh. It doesn't have to be a battle. It shouldn't have to be a battle, and I disagree that the games club should be a place of escape for men from their partners. That's not why I play at all, and if that is how some people see it then you're right, it's no wonder women feel like they aren't welcome.

[DoctorEvil]

-Ego. A lot of boys can act very poorly to a girl entering their previously male-only group. It can make them uncomfortable, the idea of a girl beating them. They can often be extra obnoxious to the girl in a deliberate effort to drive them away. I was once slapped by my opponent during a local tournament match when I beat him (I broke his nose, but I don't go in tournaments anymore).

....hold on....you broke his nose? LOL...that's classic.....

But back to the topic...

One of the other factors is that in addition to being a male dominated hobby, the majority of of those males are from the "nerd" sub-species. I don't say that as an insult as a I proudly consider myself a nerd, but let's face it, in general nerds are not the most socially well adjusted examples of humanity. Most nerds tend to be uncomfortable in day-to-day social situations (unless they involved other nerds). So when you introduce a female into their nerd social club......well, it throws their delicate social balance complete out of whack. You'll have the "suave" Nerds trying to hit on her (even if it's obvious she's married), you'll have the "he-man, woman hating" Nerds being mean to her and making rude comments, you'll have the "shy" Nerds that can't make direct eye contact with her.......in short, it will be Nerd chaos.

[Denzark]

Massively surprised to hear a chap hit a girl - he was lucky to just get his nose broken. I wouldn't mind females playing in any way shape or form. There is only one point I don't like about female interaction with 'the hobby': When they complain about how women are portrayed, particularly in fantasy. You get more complaints just because some character was portrayed in skimpy armour with huge lady bumps than you do about a chaos mass murdering warlord holding some slaanesh orgy or the inquisition commiting genocide by exterminatus.

This is not the PC real world it is the 41st millenium and there is only war. So welcome to it be you black, white, green, female, bent as a nine-bob note, old, (not too) young, 1, 2, bionic or no limbs: Just leave your poxy real life Political Correct bullacks at the door.

[eldargal]

I do agree with you, of all things, skimpy armour is my least concern. It only bothers me when it is innapropriate for the setting, ie scantily clad female IG would be stupid given how IG look. For DE or other races where it is appropriate, I don't have a problem with it.

Massively surprised to hear a chap hit a girl - he was lucky to just get his nose broken. I wouldn't mind females playing in any way shape or form. There is only one point I don't like about female interaction with 'the hobby': When they complain about how women are portrayed, particularly in fantasy. You get more complaints just because some character was portrayed in skimpy armour with huge lady bumps than you do about a chaos mass murdering warlord holding some slaanesh orgy or the inquisition commiting genocide by exterminatus.

This is not the PC real world it is the 41st millenium and there is only war. So welcome to it be you black, white, green, female, bent as a nine-bob note, old, (not too) young, 1, 2, bionic or no limbs: Just leave your poxy real life Political Correct bullacks at the door.

[ZenPaladin]

I am one of the fortunate few out there lucky enough to score a gamer girl for my significant other. I can't tell you how great it is to have someone who not only accepts my hobies but is an active participant in them. She was actualy introduced to gaming through her Ex back in california and started with Vampire larping I believe. Then she played a bit of Warmachine and saw some 40K.

When we became a couple she watched a few games and from the start I tried to encourage her to get a force and play with us. (more players and a more diverse army range is always good) We talked about the armies in brief and focused on which ones were not very well represented she decided that she liked the Dark Eldar and the Tyranids. Apon finding that the Dark Eldar were not very well suported she went for the bugs.

We have only played two games or so now and shes already shown an amazing ability to pick up on stratigy and ability synergy. And shes won both games. A doubles game with my Necrons and her Nids vs Mech Space Marine shootynes. And a one on one my Cron's vs her Nids in take and hold. She's also an active and talented painter. (and I am more than a little jellous of her skill and drive)

Next time I go to a tourny I fully expect her to be beside me and to kick my tail.

Yes I love showing off my gamer girl. I'm more than a little proud to call her my mine.

[Aims]

I'm also one of the gaming girls. I play Eldar (which I started with), and I play Black Templar. I do not play Fantasy or WotR/LotR at all. I do have an issue with some of the attitudes in one of the stores, which I won't get into, but other than that, most people here don't really care. I had one person at BoLSCon actually say they were HAPPY to see a female working the Con instead of it being totally guys. I think I was the only female for most of it, but I didn't play as I was up front helping with registration and yelling at people for not putting their teams on their scoresheets. :P

Put simply, boys are going to be boys. GW has geared things towards boys, and that's just how it goes. I don't like it or agree with it, but I work with it as best as I am able.

[Chaos]

Every girl that i have met (that wouldnt stop talking to me for bringing it up) I have asked if they wanted to try the game out... nobody should have any problems with girls in gaming and if your trying to get away from your girlfriend/wife it really shouldnt matter unless your girlfriend/wife show up just to complain to you about it (it happened to me before...) But nobody should have a problem with it in my opinion