40K Humour!

[sneaky pete]

I just played a league game where my Land Raider took 48 Thunder Hammer hits and suffered NO damage! It is now on my painting table awaiting more purity seals and an appropriate naming.

[Squirrel_Fish]

What did the Apothecary study in college?

Marine Biology.

Ba-dum! Pssshhh!!! I'll be here all night folks.

[Emerald Rose Widow]

Well one time I had two or three IG Stormtroopers killed by a shield drone (yes, one shield drone).

Also a real, philosophical joke:
If Slaanesh is the god of sex, then how is it that Tzeentch is the one with a Thousand Sons?

This is a very valid question, you would think the got of sex would have a harem of children

[Skragger]

i had a Grey Knight Grandmaster with small retinue that killed everything they fought against in a match against orks.2 mobz of boyz, and full squad of tricked out Nobz with a warboss... However, the one thing that brought him down was a lone Grot that got the charge...

I hope he converted that Grot to have some kind of trophy after.. oh man..

[Skragger]

What did the Apothecary study in college?

Marine Biology.

Ba-dum! Pssshhh!!! I'll be here all night folks.

Oh man... OOHH man.. Ima kill you...

[eldargal]

Three Sisters of Battle walk into a chocolate shop and order a giant chocolate candelabara.Then they go down the street and visit a grocers, buying a vat of vegetable oil and three jugs of cream.They then purchase a coil of rope from a hardware store and head back to theri monastery.Once there, the three Sisters lock themselves in a room and
<SUPRESSED BY ORDER OF THE INQUISITION>

I've posted this before, but I think its worth repeating:
One of our group, known as "nid lady', was playing a game against her sons Blood Angels. She says:
"Right, my Carnifex brood their are going to ejac-ulate their bio plasma onto your Death Company"
Her son "Don't use that word!"
"What, Death Company"
"No, the other one!"
"Carnifex?"
"Ejac-ulate!"
"Oh, why not?"
"Its freaking me out!"
"Well, you just need to ejac-ulate more"
"JESUS CHRIST MOTHER!

Poor boy was so flustered he lost the game convincingly. I was laughing so hard I nearly stabbed myself in the face with a Wych.


I've got some other rather amusing stories that have arisen after my friends or myself have used our 'feminine wiles' to win games, not sure if I should post them or not.

[Brotherjames]

I think the worst I've seen was a mini campaign based off of twilight for Team Dante or Team Logan

[Corvus-Master-of-The-4th]

I had two Penitent Engines in an Apocalypse game... First got immobilised, second killed a Rhino the Chaos Space Marine's inside, a Defiller (in cover) and then another random Defiller, it could have done more but the game was over D:.

[SotonShades]

I've got some other rather amusing stories that have arisen after my friends or myself have used our 'feminine wiles' to win games, not sure if I should post them or not.

Yes. Yes you should

I remember a time I was using my Armoured Battlegroup list; One Leman Russ fired it's battlecannon and more or less scattered the full distance, hitting another of my Leman Russes and taking off a heavy bolter sponson. The damaged Leman Russ then fires her battlecannon, again manages to scatter about 7 or so inches, landing squarely on the side armour of the Leman Russ that had shot it! Didn't lose a gun unfortunately, the whole thing exploded!

Way way way back when, under the old Kill Team rules, 4th Ed, couple of SM codex editions ago as well... playing a 3v3 killteam game, Chaos, Tau and Nids vs 3 lots of space marines. Turn one, non-marines get first turn, and the Tau wipeout my Marines apart from a Veteran Sergeant with a powerfist and a very basic Chaplain, other marine kill teams are untouched. The Serg and Chap then go on to take out all 400 points of Genestealers on their own. We still managed to lose the game though

[Skragger]

I've got some other rather amusing stories that have arisen after my friends or myself have used our 'feminine wiles' to win games, not sure if I should post them or not.

Yes, please please do post!