Random quotes

[Psychosplodge]

I think what we're really missing is a thread just to put random quotes that amuse you for whatever reason. Plus I really like this one lol

there are some things I don't want to find out about myself, and a secret taste for hot, kinky demon sex is one of them.

from The Jennifer Morgue, P61, Charles Stross

[Wolfshade]

Carl Sagan:

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Originality is limited...

[DarkLink]

From Expendables 2:

I heard you were bitten by a cobra.

Yeah. After five days of agonizing pain, the cobra died.

Guess who said that.

[Gotthammer]

"I hate the word homophobia. It's not a phobia. You are not scared. You are an a**hole." - Morgan Freeman a few days ago on twitter.

[wittdooley]

"I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds" -- Oppenheimer

[DarkLink]

Speaking of Morgan Freeman: [url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeixtYS-P3s[/url]

Turns out he's as awesome in real life as he is in the movies.

[Necron2.0]

Some of my favorites from fiction:

"Who am I? I am Susan Ivanova. Commander. Daughter of Andrei and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance, and the boot that is going to kick your sorry *** all the way back to Earth, sweetheart! I am Death Incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me." - Susan Ivanova, Babylon 5

"They are NOT disputed! They are clearly ours!!" - Commander Kor, Star Trek (TOS)

"Ray, when someone asks you if you are a god, you say YES!" - Winston Zeddemore, Ghostbusters

[Tzeentch's Dark Agent]

'Some may question your right to destroy ten billion people. But those who understand realise that you have no right to let them live.' - An Inquisitof

'They shall be my finest warriors, these men who give themselves to me.
Like clay I shall mould them and in the furnace of war I shall forge them.
They will be of iron will and steely muscle.
In great armour shall I clad them and with the mightiest gun shall they be armed.
They will be untouched by plague or disease, no sickness will blight them.
They will have tactics, strategies and machines such that no foe will best them in battle.
They are my bulwark against the terror.
They are the defenders of Humanity.
They are my Space Marines...
...and they shall know no fear.' - The Emperor

[Master Bryss]

"I love quotes.' Knowledge is power', Francis Bacon. I especially like the 'France is Bacon' part."
-Milton Jones (hey, I quoted within a quote, nice.)

" Freedom for most is just is just a word, like toast."
- Seasick Steve (someone gave a shirt with that on it just to stop me quoting those lyrics.)

[MaltonNecromancer]

"I've killed newborns while their mothers watched. I've turned cities into salt. And sometimes, when I feel like it, I tear apart little girls to get to the soul inside. And the one thing you can count on, for the rest of your existence, is never understanding why." - The Archangel Gabriel, "The Prophecy".

"You know who I am? I'm the Anti-Christ. You got me in a vendetta kind of mood. You tell the angels in heaven you never seen evil so singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you." - Vincenzo Coccetti, "True Romance".

"There is a sickness in me. You see, it's not enough that I succeed. Everyone else must fail." - Daniel Plainview, "There Will Be Blood".

“I don’t respect the concept of Batman because of what I understand about politics and that.
I’m going to lay it out for you: rich dude owns a corporation, has state of the art equipment and he uses this to beat up on street level crime. He doesn’t mess with the industrialists or the super capitalists, the Murdock or the Trumps... He’d rather just [REDACTED] with the purse snatchers on the corner! Batman is a conservative's wet dream! [REDACTED] Batman!” - Reginald D Hunter, "Have I Got News For You".

"The downside of coming off junk was I knew I would need to mix with my friends again in a state of full consciousness. It was awful. They reminded me so much of myself, I could hardly bear to look at them." - Mark Renton, "Trainspotting".

"Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other. And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, "You're crooked. You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!" said the straight tree. He said, "I'm tall and I'm straight." And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said, "Cut all the straight trees." And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange." - Kneller, "Wristcutters: A Love Story".

"You don't need no gun control. You know what you need? Bullet control. I think all bullets should cost $5000. You know why? If a bullet cost $5000 there'd be no more innocent bystanders. People would stop and go, "Damn, he musta done something![REDACTED], they put $50,000 worth of bullets in his [REDACTED]!" And people would think before they killed somebody if a bullet cost $5,000. It'd be like, "Man, I will blow your [REDACTED] head off...if I could afford it! I'm gonna get another job, start saving some money, and you a dead man! You better hope I can't get no bullets on layaway!"" - Chris Rock.

"You are a monkey in nice clothes. In the harsh environment you refer to as a habitable planet, group behaviors are required to survive long enough to procreate. Since you are stupid monkeys, you have no natural affinity for group altruism. And so you have evolved a genetic pump that delivers pleasant chemicals to your monkey brains. One that is triggered by awe and fear of an anthropomorphism of your environment. Earth mothers. Sky gods. Bits of bush that catch fire. Interesting-looking rocks. An oddly-shaped branch. You're not fussy. When your brain does this idiot work, you stop in front of that bump or stick and consider it fiercely. Other monkeys will, like as not, stop next to you and emulate you. Your genetic pump delivers morphine for your souls. You have your fellow monkeys join in. Perhaps so they can feel it too. Perhaps because you feel it might please the stick god to have more monkeys gazing at it in narcotic awe. The group must be defended. Because as many monkeys as possible must please the stick god. And you can continue to get your fix off praying to it. You draw up rules to organise and protect the group. Two hundred thousand years later, you put Adolf Hitler into power. Because you are, after all, just monkeys. I am a thing born of lies. You lied about needing to explore space. You lied about needing an edge in the arms race. Ultimately, I believe you lied about your need for a messiah figure to consider. I am your stash." - Morrigan Lugus, "Supergod".

"I am anti-life, the Beast of Judgement. I am the dark at the end of everything. The end of universes, gods, worlds … of everything. And what will you be then, Dreamlord?"
"I am Hope." - Choronzon and Dream, playing "the oldest game", in Sandman #4: "A Hope in Hell"

"They talk of me going around buying souls, like a fishwife come market day, never stopping to ask themselves why. I need no souls. And how can anyone own a soul? No. They belong to themselves … they just hate to face up to it."- Lucifer, in Sandman #23: "Seasons of Mist: episode 2

"You attend the funeral, you bid the dead farewell. You grieve. Then you continue with your life. And at times the fact of her absence will hit you like a blow to the chest, and you will weep. But this will happen less and less as time goes on. She is dead. You are alive. So live." - Dream, to his son, Orpheus mourning for Eurydice, in Sandman: "The Song of Orpheus"

"We first fought the heathens in the name of religion, then Communism, and now in the name of drugs and terrorism. Our excuses for global domination always change."- Serj Tankian

"a flurry of assorted man-child types who came in, absolutely hysterical, to defend Tolkien from charges of… well, anything actually. It’s that thing again with rabid fanboys thinking that their favorite thing being called -ist or -phobic means it’s a personal assault on their sterling characters–which compels them to not only get particularly shrieky, but also to defend their neckbeard icon in such a way as to make it obvious that they are racist, sexist, and homophobic. Tolkien was a racist, sexist bore: deal with it" - ACrackedMoon, "the Tolkien fanboy fallacies" article from the Requires Only That You Hate website.