3 weeks down

[DarkLink]

Yeah, the way they handle peer reviews is pretty terrible. That said, ultimately only the co of ocs, colonel stillings, atm, has the authority to drop someone, so if I go to boards I'll eventually go through him and have a chance to explain myself in a way I can't to the other staff.

Ultimately, though, it all comes down to a simple decision for me. After all I've learned, do oli want to continue to put myself in a leadership position of as such extreme stress and responsibility as leading Marines into combat? I know I can do it, even if I have some things to learn still (but that's what TBS is for ocs is just a screener for potential). I'm not sure if it's the job I want, though, and that's something I could only know after trying it out for a while. I've basically completed training, we have like two academic tests left and a final pft, and everything else is just out processing and moto-pt sessions over the next two weeks. It's not a matter of whether or not I can tough out the next two weeks, just if I want to accept my commission or not (ignoring the boards and the possibility of getting dropped) if that makes sense. I'm generally a good team player, and I can definitely be a good leader, but I'm undecided if I want to be a leader as my specific job. I've always been a bit too independent minded to mesh in well with the ideal of the Marine officer. That's the choice I have to make, and it was only indirectly triggered by the peer eval incident.

Incidentally, I was only in the middle of the squad rankings because 1) I'm actually pretty quiet and "sneaky" (I tend to get stuff done without anyone noticing, for better or worse) so unless you get to know me I don't really seem very decisive or leader-ish, and 2) we have a very strong squad. We have two candidates in the top 5 overall, 5 are enlisted Marines including a gunnery sergeant, and a couple of guys who are the football captain/quarterback natural athlete/leader types. The competition for the good rankings is extremely tight.

[DarkLink]

So ultimately, I decided to drop for personal reasons. Its tough to really explain, but suffice to say that I spent the last week thinking it through. I decided that being a Marine officer wasn't right for me, even if there were parts I would greatly enjoy and I am fully capable of doing it. I spent the day trying to explain why I was dropping to a ton of people of various ranks, most of whom said things like "what the heck, you've passed every graduation requirement easily".

OCS has been one of the most valuable experiences of my life, even if I've decided on a different path. Honestly, I think it's something everyone should try, just like how everyone should learn to read or write, because of the character, discipline, and toughness you experience. I've learned I can go on very little sleep with constant physical motion for ~9 weeks without too much difficulty, and that I was actually working out harder before ocs than during it. I know that while there are people who can run faster than me and do just as many pullups, after a workout I'm usually ready to go again after a few minutes recovery when they aren't, and that I can hike around with weight on my back all day long and feel more fresh and ready to go than most of my competition. I've learned which areas of leadership I'm strong in, which I'm weak in, and that my personality and skills aren't suited for managing every aspect of other people's lives. Managing a business or something like that is one thing, leading Marines into combat is another that, while I'm confident I can do it, I realize I don't have the desire to be that leader (and you can't commit only to the parts of a job you like while brushing off other parts).

Now it's time for me to pursue one of my other options. I'll get certified as a crossfit trainer when I can, look for an engineering job, etc. Now that I'm free I'll get online with something better than a smartphone and post some pictures.

[Deadlift]

Sorry to hear that mate, but at least you know you tried and now know its not for you. It will be good to see you around the forum a bit more often again.

Cheers

Joe.

[DarkLink]

Thanks. I feel pretty good about it overall. Its obviously not what I expected, and it probably would have been a smarter long term career move to wait out the next couple of weeks and declined my commission then, but I made the decision and made it on my terms. I completed all of the parts of ocs that actually matter. It is funny, though, you really do start calling people sir and ma'am and stuff like that, and I almost feel like I miss all the stupid crap we had to do. Once you live a rough lifestyle for a while, being comfortable makes you feel soft, and its only been a day. It's a strange sense of nostalgia. I'm looking forward to being able to actually having some free time and control over my life. Even if I had decided to stay, I'd still have TBS which, while much more like a military college than an officer boot camp, is called the big suck and/or too busy to sleep for a reason.

[DrLove42]

Even if you ultimatly decided not to go for it, it must feel good to be able to look back at it and know that you were good enough for something so challenging and that it was your choice. I know I wouldn't manage the military life.

Good luck with everything you do next though

[scadugenga]

Good luck, Dark.

Sounds like you made the right choice. Being an officer requires (if you want to do it right) 100% commitment. If you weren't feeling it, to decision to drop was exactly the right thing to do. Best of luck.

[ElectricPaladin]

Being through some kind of personal hell is really important to understanding who you are. My grueling experience was entirely mental, and only physical in the sleep-deprivation sense - it was a six-week intensive teacher training program - but it taught me things about myself that I didn't know, like the fact that I could show up on time, meet deadlines, and, also, survive with very little sleep.

Personally, I'm really glad that you've decided to drop now, with integrity. It sounds like you're making the right choice, and the self-knowledge you've gained will really help you in the future.

Also, welcome back!

[DarkLink]

This was a MCMAP (Marine Corps Martial Arts Program) workout. Good smoke check for a lot of people, sprinting back and forth doing burpees, star jumps, bear crawls, buddy carries, and some punches. All the previous MCMAP sessions had been simple technique, so none had been very physically demanding since we don't do much more than basic punches and a few bayonet techniques. Everyone expected this to be an easy day, and then -bam- an hour of nice, intense PT.



Halfway through the Endurance Course. Running with rifles and LBVs in boots sucks, this was the only scored physical event that I sucked at. Though part of that was because I kept taking wrong turns and loosing minutes on my time. I was still pretty well within the passing time, though, our company was just so physically fit that I was slow.



This is the LRC (Leadership Reaction Course) area. Not sure if this is LRC I or LRC II. They're basically the same, they just expect you to do better the second time and it is weighted higher than the first one. Basically, each little bay has an obstacle your fireteam has to overcome, each of which is very different and most of which are things like "cross this 10 ft gap with two 5 ft boards and three feet of rope, and there is red paint representing booby traps all over the place". The point isn't to actually finish, just to see how well you can observe the problem, make a plan, brief the team (which is what you see in the picture), then execute and supervise, as well as how you display command presence and adjust your plan as it inevitably fails.



Here's a candidate jumping through the air on the Tarzan course. He's maybe 10 ft off the ground, aiming for a cargo net. Cool picture, but unfortunately they don't have any pictures that really show the actual tarzan course itself. It's basically a long string of raised rope course type stuff, to test your fear of heights. You swing on ropes, commando crawl, jump through the air, and there's even a nice long zip line, all 20-40 ft up in the air (there's a cargo net to catch you if you fall, so no worries there). It was pretty fun, actually.

[DarkLink]

It just happened to snow (and man, was that nice, wet, cold, slushy snow, too, none of that nice dryish powdery snow) the day we were taught our first practical application on squad tactics out on the PT field.







This is the O-course. Again, no good zoomed out pictures to show the whole thing, but it's about 100m long. Vault over a low log, rotate your body completely around/over a high bar (first picture), climb up and slide along parallel bars 10ft up in the air then jump down, climb over an 8ft wall, some more vaults (second picture), climb up and over a set of double bars much higher than the first, then finish at the top of the rope climb. It's pretty fun, and a lot more intense of a workout than it initially looks. I got a 1:07 for my best time, a perfect is 1:00.

[DarkLink]

Running around in the woods for our fireteam in the offense practical application and SULE I. FT in the O is basically just SULE I prep. Your fireteam leader briefs the fireteam on a mission then executes, just like LRC, except this time you're all tactical using hand signals and trying to, say, assault and destroy an enemy position rather than cross an obstacle.