The friend zone...

[Mr Mystery]

As per the title. And something I'm intimately familiar with.

Is there a way out? Or is it permanent damnation?

See I have a very dear friend. Someone I've stood by through thick and thin. No matter the issue or crisis, I've been there for them. When all others have walked/skulked away in the face of adversity, I was this person's rock.

Stuff kind of happened, but got awkward in the way that can only happen to me. Mutual 'yes.......but no' type thing

And now this lovely lass is single, and for once not hurting.

Issue came up tonight without my mentioning. I was in the bog having a much needed slash. Came back, and she looked a bit bashful , and I overheard her saying that she and I would be a big 'weird'. Which to be fair it would, at least at first.

Yet I am the only guy to have not been if not altruistic in her presence, at least selfless. I've fallen on the proverbial so many times I genuinely hurts.

And I know I could make her happier than anyone she's ever dated.


So how to break this cycle?

Help me BOLSy-wan-Kenobi. You're my only hope.

[Kaptain Badrukk]

Urgh.
I know the pain, but there's a simple truth here.
There is no friend zone, it's a myth.
Have a frank (if likely slightly embarrassing) conversation about both your feelings.
Then either go get a coffee and laugh it off OR go get a coffee and treat it as a first date.
Either way the worst that can happen is a bit more awkwardness.
If your friendship's that strong that will fade.

[Mr Mystery]

That.........

That may well be the best advice I've had for a while!

Cheers dude!

[DarkLink]

Well, my personal solution was to turn it into the friends-with-benefits zone, but it didn't turn into anything more.

[Deadlift]

For some bizarre reason there are some women out there that only go for men that treat them like a doormat. Being Mr Nice Guy just doesn't compute with these lasses. I've seen it so many times and I've never understood it. I've seen female friends constantly shun really good guys who I know would treat them well and consistently drift between boyfriends who treat them with as much compassion as a plastic bag. It's like they just can't cope with having a proper loving relationship and I suspect the reason for this has roots with a crappy personal history.
Do what you can matey, but if it's not to be then it's not to be. Kaptains advice is good but ultimately if its not going to happen now it never will and don't waste your too long as much as you want to. Some lasses just can't be "saved" from themselves.

One thing I can say with confidence matey, is you come across as a really decent guy on these forums and I'm sure one day your going to meet someone and be very happy indeed.

[Tzeentch's Dark Agent]

I also agree. It's all folklore. I thought I was in the friend zone with my ex and also my current girlfriend, but all I did was breach the subject and we managed to move past the awkwardness.

[Wildeybeast]

Yeah, just be up front and honest. The friend zone only exists because people let themselves get stuck in it by not having 'the conversation'. Once that's had, you are clear on where you stand, either just friends or wanting to be more.
For my tuppence worth, her saying you two would be weird is not the same as her saying that she doesn't have any feelings for you and it will never happen. Clearly she has thought about it and thinks it would be weird, so she hasn't pursued the matter as she isn't sure how 'weird' is going to work out and most likely doesn't want to damage the friendship. On the little you've said, I'd say you have a shot. you've just got to take the reins on this thing, make it happen and make her see how weird can become cool rather than awkward. Best of luck to you pal.

[Mr Mystery]

Reckon Imma treat her to dinner when I'm next paid. As sort of pseudo date, see how that goes.

[Psychosplodge]

No.
I know a girl who went for somat to eat and a film with a friend and realised halfway through it was meant to be a date.
I don't think she spoke to him for like six months or so, cause she was so embarrassed.

[Mr Mystery]

Not if I just call it what it is

Duplicity and schemes get you nowhere!