The cheer up thread.

[Psychosplodge]

Stolen from Tumblr

WARHAMMER 40K ECONOMICS: PART I

Imperium of Man
Imperial World: You have two cows, you lose one of these cows in a tithe, and the other is killed by an xeno alien scum! That’s aright at least now the cow won’t be joining a hive gang!

Imperial Guard: You have five thousands cows, which some idiot in high command just threw at the treads of an enemy tank to slow it down. But they did live long enough to see the Adeptus Astartes grab all the glory!

Ecclesiarchy: You have two cows, they are the holy Emperor of Mankind’s cows and must be blessed properly.

Inquisition: You have two cows, one is Puritan and one is Radical. The spend the day shouting ‘HERETIC!’ at one another.

Sisters of Battle: You have two cows, who have dedicated themselves to destroying the Emperor’s enemies since they were very young calves. Now these heifers really know how to use flamers and melta guns!

Adeptus Astartes
Blood Angels: You have two vampire cows, the red one you give a jetpack to; but the black one goes insane with bloodlust for before every battle. The cow herd chaplain is the only thing that keeps either one of them in check.

Salamanders: You have two cow dragons, one is a minstrel and the other is on fire. Which would be O.K., except for those racist Space Wolves who won’t hang out with you, because you’re ‘those kind of astartes’. However you never say anything since you’re the ‘nice astartes’!

Ultramarines: You have FOUR cows, and you are the envy of the rest of the Adeptus Astartes. 'Yeah, ain't we something!'

Raven Guard: You have two cows, who are like super bad *** ninja warriors. The Orks never see them coming. They never, ever see them coming!

Space wolves: You have two cow-wolves, you attach them to your space chariot and go to war! ‘For Lehman ‘Moo-moo’ Russ!’

Dark Angels: You have two cows, one is not a heretic, and the other is NOT A HERETIC!

Iron Hands: You have two cows; which you then turn into cyborg oxen, because, 'The flesh is weak'.

Imperial Fists: You have two cows punishing themselves for weakness, locked in a concrete box in the centre of a bunker, guarded by ten Imperial Fist space marines. 'Hold the line for the Emperor! Never Surrender!'

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WARHAMMER 40K ECONOMICS: PART II

Chaos
Chaos Undivided: You have two cows, you brand them with heretical symbols and sacrifice them for the glory of chaos. One comes back as an un-dead zombie follower of Chaos, the other as a Daemon-Cow Lord.

Khorne: You have two cows, BUT you are really, really ****ing angry! You no longer have two cows. 'Bovine blood for the Blood God!'

Tzeentch: You have two cows, one tells lies and the other tells the truth; also one cow is made of tentacles and the other is a gas cloud. 'Just as planned!'

Nurgle: You have two cows, one you give the gift of hoof and mouth disease, and to the other cow you give the gift of ‘mad cow’ disease.

Slaneesh: You have two cows. One of them is bi-sexual and the other is a hermaphrodite. You are about to have a very fun night!

Chaos Marines
Alpha Legion: NO SUCH COWS EXISTS. But if there such a hypothetical cow or cows, they would be identical in every way, and they might be working for Chaos, or…maybe not?

Night Lords: You have two cows, who are like crazy ****ing spooky! Like in all black with bat wing ears and ****! And they only attack kittens, small children, and old people, but only at night…in the dark!

One-thousand Sons: You have two cows, one is a pile of dust in metal cow suit, and the other is a terrifying bovine sorcerer. But hey don’t they look great in blue and gold!

Word Bearers: THESE TWO COWS ARE A TESTAMENT TO CHAOS’ GLORY! Let’s all now say amen!

Emperors Children: You have two cows. One cow is beautiful beyond belief and sings seductive melodious songs, and its’ milk is a concoction of mescaline and LSD. The other cow has a neon pink hide with attached loudspeakers, and its’ milk is cocaine. ****ing Fabius Bile!

World Eaters: FRGNNGRNGNRNGNRNGNR!!! ‘BEEF FOR THE BEEF THRONE!’

Iron Warriors: You have two cows inside a concrete box, but it’s Chaos concrete so it’s better than the Irons Hands concrete box in every way. But then again these cows really KNOW how to blow **** up!

Black Legion: You have two cows, neither has any arms; but they do look good in black armour edged in gold. Mostly the cows just sit around and brood about the 'Good o'days with Horus' or about how freakn’ angry they are with the 'False Emperor'.

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WARHAMMER 40K ENCONOMICS: Part III

Xeno Scum
Eldar: You have one cow, it is far better than those stupid mon-keigh cows; but you must now protect it at all costs! That is until the day the Laughing God arises as Ynnead and destroys the She-Who-Thirsts! But before that, the cow will probably pop off and join the Craftworld’s Infinity Circuit. You will then mourn the cow’s demise by singing ten-thousand year old songs of lament.

Dark Eldar: You had two cows, but one you have tortured, mutilated, killed and resurrected so many times, that it has now gone mad. The other cow you gave to your Haemonculus…'Oh, **** it I'm bored!'

Exodite Eldar: You have two cows that live with you in the forest. 'The moo cows are my friends. Don't worry little moo cows, I'm like totally veggan!' Sadly your dragon eats your new cow friends.

Orks: You ‘az two of dem ‘umie kowz, but den he Big Mek takes ‘em bof to make ‘um all proppa shooty like. Deyz all gettin’ grot brains to mak’em shoot bedda; and red paint jobs soz dey goez fasta!

Tyranids: First you have two gene stealer cows, then sixteen, then sixty-four…but now it is too late for the unsuspecting populace of the planet! 'It's Game Over man, Game Over!'

Necrons: You have two cows. Phareon Poopoototek: 'After sixty million years asleep you bring me what?' The two soulless robotic cows do not reply; but stand there with glowing green eyes and gauss weapons at the ready.

Squats: You have two cows. One you convert into a trike with turbo-charger and twin-linked melta guns. Then other cow is customized into a super secret high tech weapon system. 'Sssh, we were never here! You didn't see anything! You didn't hear anything! You-don't-know-anything!'

Tau: We all have two cows, who are joyfully welcomed into the Tau Empire for the glorious unity of all cows, and for the Tau’Va – Greater Good! 'Just as planned!'

[Psychosplodge]

[Darren Richardson]

Warhammer 40k enconomics

lol :d

[Rissan4ever]

Is that a joke about poor spelling, or did Thatcher have some kind of beef with a miners' union?

[Wolfshade]

Is that a joke about poor spelling, or did Thatcher have some kind of beef with a miners' union?

What miners union...

[Darren Richardson]

Maggie Thatcher ruined Britain's Mining industries in the 70's/80's....

And she stole all the milk from the children hence her nick name Maggie Thatcher Milk Snatcher.

[Arkhan Land]

she has such an evil face. like my worst aunt.

[Gotthammer]

[Kirsten]

everybody likes the snow

[Al Shut]

I wonder what it looks like if a bird does a snow angel