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Thread: Cool Quotes

  1. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeGrunt View Post
    I know there's a million hilarious Terry Pratchett quotes, but I'm struggling to think of any particular ones right now. Good excuse to read Guards, Guards! again. Ah well, here's a favourite of mine from the similarly-hilarious Douglas Adams:
    Fave bit in Guards Guards! would have to be Nobby, Colon and Carrot trying to figure out how to make their risky shot precisely a million-to-one, which as has been proven, is the sort of shot that actually works nine times in ten.

    Potentially controversial.....I rate Pratchett over Adams. Very close run thing though, I just feel Pratchett has more warmth and humanity.
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  2. #12

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    I need to re-read Hitckhiker's Guide to be sure, I got a mighty compendium of the whole trilogy to go through. I liked Adams' style as it was like having a chat with someone over a pint. The witticisms, the meandering, it was a really fun writing style and it's some great out-there sci-fi. Pratchett I think nails the parodying of society in utterly silly ways that make a fantastic amount of sense. Small Gods, for example, just nails the concept of religion in its entirety, while having a good ol' laugh at Atheists as well.
    Read the above in a Tachikoma voice.

  3. #13
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    And let's not forget the excellent

    "Undead or alive you are coming with me".

    And

    "He could think in italics. Such people needed watching. Preferably from a distance"
    Last edited by grimmas; 05-17-2016 at 03:14 AM.
    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
    Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

  4. #14

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    I'm just a massive fan of how Pratchett can utterly skewer a convention, but without being nasty about it. I mean, that's a helluva talent to take apart a concept to show how ridiculous it is, without accusing adherents to it as being ridiculous themselves.

    Plus, his take on Witchcraft is just superb.
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  6. #16

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    A philosopher for the ages. :P

    But yeah, that's like how people would freak out over a tour through a slaughterhouse, but are meat eaters. People just don't connect the dots.
    Read the above in a Tachikoma voice.

  7. #17

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    The bigger they are, the bigger the mess they make when they step on you. - Ahzek Ahriman, on Titans

  8. #18

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    The members of the Guild of Assassins considered themselves cultured men who enjoyed good music and food and literature. And they knew the value of human life. To a penny, in many cases.

    The truth is that even big collections of ordinary books distort space, as can readily be proved by anyone who has been around a really old-fashioned secondhand bookshop, one of those that look as though they were designed by M. Escher on a bad day and has more staircases than storys and those rows of shelves which end in little doors that are surely too small for a full-sized human to enter.

    Interestingly enough, the gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if thatís where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they wonít do if they donít know about it. This explains why it is important to shoot missionaries on sight.

    He felt as if heíd been shipwrecked on the Titanic but in the nick of time had been rescued. By the Lusitania.

    The fastest insect is the .303 bookworm. It evolved in magical libraries, where it is necessary to eat extremely quickly to avoid being affected by the thaumic radiations. An adult .303 bookworm can eat through a shelf of books so fast that it ricochets off the wall

    No one is more worried by the actual physical manifestation of a god than his priests; itís like having the auditors in unexpectedly

    The old king told me once that the gods gave people a sense of humour to make up for giving them sex

    Because of the way time was recorded among the various states, kingdoms and cities. After all, when over an area of a hundred square miles the same year is variously the year of the small bat, and anticipated monkey, the hunting cloud, fat cows, three bright stallions and at least nine numbers recording the time since assorted kings, prophets, and strange events were either crowned, born or happened, and each year has a different number of months, and some of them donít have weeks, and one of them refuses to accept the day as a measure of time, the only thing it is possible to be sure of is that good sex doesnít last long enough

    There were tortoises in the Old Kingdom. They could be called a lot of things - vegetarians, patient, thoughtful, even extremely diligent and persistent sex-maniacs - but never, up until now, fast.

    Gods prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight To Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a godís idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs

    She walked quickly through the darkness with the frank stride of someone who was at least certain that the forest, on this damp and windy night, contained strange and terrible things and she was it.

    Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages

    Scientists have calculated that the chances of something so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one.
    But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.

    The only thing known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Wheedle. He reasoned like this: you canít have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir instantaneously. Presumably, he said, there must be some elementary particles Ė kingons, or possibly queons Ė that do this job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plans to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expanded because, at that point, the bar closed.

    It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever,ď he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?

    Most witches donít believe in gods. They know that the gods exist, of course. They even deal with them occasionally. But they donít believe in them. They know them too well. It would be like believing in the postman.




    I've literally just got to the bit in guards,guards where they make the shot you're talking about.

    However the process of robo-insemination is far too complex for the human mind!
    A knee high fence, my one weakness

  9. #19
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    "Now, it's a fact well known to those who know it well"

    Robert Rankin
    Twelve monkeys, eleven hats. One monkey is sad.

  10. #20
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    "Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set him on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life".
    Last edited by grimmas; 05-20-2016 at 02:04 AM.
    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
    Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

 

 
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