If you could be anyone in 40k...

[Torcano]

A Harlequin. They always seem so happy, laughing and dancing about, cutting off heads and shredding peoples insides. Theyre so bright and colourful too , and they dont give a hoot if youre eldar or dark eldar, they`ll hang out with you and laugh and dance or kill you and laugh and dance. Makes no diference to them.

Its a happy life being a Harlequin

After reading this you have me utterly convinced: A Harly's life is a life for me!

Sounds so friendly and happy the way you put it, dancing and laughing throughout the webway as their whim's dictate...hanging out, dancing, singing, laughing, killing, whats not to love?

And being immortal doesn't hurt either.

[Squirrel_Fish]

After reading this you have me utterly convinced: A Harly's life is a life for me!

Sounds so friendly and happy the way you put it, dancing and laughing throughout the webway as their whim's dictate...hanging out, dancing, singing, laughing, killing, whats not to love?

And being immortal doesn't hurt either.

The other plus is when they are killed, they don't have their souls devoured.

Either a paper pusher for food distribution in the Imperium (who ever said it needed to be a combat role...) or failing that, an artificer for a Space Marine Chapter.

[Melissia]

Or perhaps she has? Oh no thats worse...............

I do. But Sangre does not appear to know that words have multiple meanings.

"Nonsense, rubbish" is one of them for this term, amongst several others.

[SierraFiveOne]

I'd like to be a Rogue Trader. I get my own ship, a retinue, and a ticket to do pretty much whatever I want. I could even hang with xenos (for the benefit of the Imperium of course).

It would be like like Star Trek or something, but with more grimdark and more all-battery broadsides against space pirates and stuff.

Sure, I''d still probably die a horrible death, but pretty much everyone in the galaxy does in the 41st millenium. At least I'd get a little adventure in first.

Plus, if my charter's old and valuable enough, I get the authority to order Space Marines around. How awesome would that be?

[Denzark]

Callidus. One of the rare males of the shrine, so I could use the polymorphine to make myself female for the day, and jump in the showers with them at the local sport sensor, and join in the pillow fights at a sleep over.

Or

An inquisitor. Why? I can order SoB to their deaths for no reason other than I can and its amusing.

Or

A tech priest in the old zygote testing bit. So I can confirm once and for all that zygotes are incompatible with females, so thats why there is no female space marines.

Or

The man who shovels the thunderwolf poo up at the Fang on Fenris. Job satisfaction and beer, Like Brother Sergeant Miyagi says, "man who can shovel Thunderwolf poo can do anything!"

[Freefall945]

I would be born on a world under siege, the blood of heroes buying back land and liberty from the xenos on the eve of my birth - an auspicious sign from which they would place great hope in me. My humble beginnings would yield a noble, hardworking youth with a zealous flair and admirable tenacity. These would turn the eyes of the chapter recruiter as the ships of the Astartes passed their hallowed shadows across my world.

I would be forced through the grueling training regime into the supreme level of physical fitness required for such recruits. I would begin the hypno-indoctrination, pass the trials, and state unequivocally my loyalty, but be cheated from greatness by some genetic quirk which renders me incompatible to the gene-seed. Denied the opportunity to be the Emperor's mailed fist, I would be politely deployed on the planet the fleet happened to be passing by at the time - like a a hungry man, unsatisfied with the taste of the protein bar he has just opened, discards it into the nearest waste receptical.

Embedded now in a hive, I would seek employment where it is always given, and become one of the many pairs of hands in a manufactorium producing the Aquila stamped crates in which Astartes fleets will later carry bolt shells - a fact that will both reassure my shattered dreams and agitate the ragged cuts around them. I would fall in love and marry a beautiful woman only to have that marriage annulled by an Ecclesiarch on a favor to a upper-spire house, a young scion of which fancies my bride enough to pluck her bodily from my life, but not my memory.

Embittered by this loss, I would take the first opportunity to leave this world - volunteering to be one of the innumerable lower-deck dregs required to make a freighter vessel function. On my third day in that duty, the deck upon which I am operating would be breached by a raider's torpedo, and all of my comrades would be flushed into the unforgiving void. I alone would survive, having the explosion of adrenaline required to lock myself in the adjacent airlock and watch hundreds of good men and women, not unlike myself, spiral to cold, horrible deaths betwixt stars they had never before even seen.

Pitied by the captain, I would be elevated to the lofty ranking of valet, allowed to wear clean, pressed suits as long as I cleaned and pressed my assigned officer's garments first, and not until I had served the bridge their chilled fruit platters. This is the closest I will ever come to contentment in my life - being so close to the wealthy and happy will, for a time, color the sequence of failure and tragedy that is my life a shade other than blue.

Two years later, a sprawling machination which I will never appreciate will begin to unfold. The captain of this freighter is a Duke of house La Vorencia; agri-tyrants of the sector. He is in direct opposition to house Coranos, whose own agrarian pursuits are dwarfed by such individuals mercantile connectivity and fiscal gravitas. The Spire Reapers, a reputed assassin's guild in the sector who specialize in being the teeth in noble conflicts, will embed one of their number in my vessel with the intention of slaying my captain. I begin to become suspicious of my new co-worker, but he is too wily for me - he frames me for stealing from the officer's belongings and I am shut away in the brig before being sold off to a labor production facility on the nearest forge world.

I will spend the rest of my extended years lifting one crate to place it on another, or lifting a crate from the top of a second and placing it at evens with the first. It will require the entirety of my concentration and effort. It will seem to me to be both the hardest, and most noble thing in the galaxy, and I will be proud to do it. At times, my more pronounced memories will scratch at the iron ceiling of my psyche. I will feel resentment that I could not become an Astartes. I will be struck melancholy by the loss of my bride, whose name I can not recall. I will wonder what became of my noble captain. All of these memories, however, will be seized by the imbedded cogitator, defined, cataloged and stored in the data-coil that runs the length of my spine. It will be used, later, to help the tech-priest novitiate who gave my good and righteous task of box stacking to better understand his own work, and how to more completely eliminate the humanity from desirable servitors. There will be a whisper in my thoughts which suggests I should be outraged at what has been done to be, but I will not hear it - I am too happy to be Crate Sorter 997.

The Emperor Protects, my lady.

Have you brought more crates for me?




EDIT: Or, like, an Eldar Pathfinder. They're sweet.

[The Imperator]

rogue trader all the power none of the responsibility.

or

a spess marine chaptermaster in terminator armor with melta boots and a jump pack, riding a bike in a landspeeder with two power fists holding thunderhammers (master crafted of course) because i would be the biggest bad *** in the galaxy

[Sangre]

I do. But Sangre does not appear to know that words have multiple meanings.

"Nonsense, rubbish" is one of them for this term, amongst several others.

Not really. Lrn2spk inglesh!

[Aldramelech]

When this "Shutup Sangre!" arrives its gonna be huge!

[BuFFo]

Not really. Lrn2spk inglesh!

Wank = sperm.