Favorite "Secret of the 40k Universe"

[eldargal]

Maybe the two missing primarchs were primarchettes and the emperor hushed it up out of shame when they came home one evening with navel piercings.

[AirHorse]

haha i love it, I really hope they were primarchettes :P. Maybe they fell in love with one of their legion marines and got pregnant, then the emperor wiped them out in a fit of rage!

[rsheridan5]

Now you've done it... I have in my head an image of a 9 foot tall Jessica Simpson with Chyna's body and a bare midrif suit of power armor holding a thunder hammer!
It won't go away! I am going to be totally useless today!

[eldargal]

(sorry, I can't resist)

Deep within the Black Library of the Eldar, Inquisitor Czevak stumbled accross a human datafile containing a startling reveletion about the Great Crusade:

+++++

It was with great fanfare the Emperor and his escort touched down on the planet Cecil Prime. The psychic emanations from the planet had called to him across the stars, and as he drew closer the news that the planet had been recently unified under one rule by two powerful fighters fueled his suspicions. There were Primarchs on that world.
The Emperor knew he was in for some kind of surprise. Something had gone wrong two of the legions he had recently raised, the hosts transforming into women within days of receiving the geneseed. But nothing could have prepared him for the true horror of what lay ahead.

‘Hiya Daddy! Welcome to Fudge World Cecil!’
The two willowy, eight foot women beamed at him. The emperor was rather nonplussed.
‘Ah, you mean Forge World perhaps?’
They giggled. The Emperors honour guard looked decidedly put off by the sound.
‘No, Fudge World, home of the Adeptus Chocolatium, finest confectioners in the galaxy!’
As his retinue shuffling their feet and pretending not to have heard any of the exchange, the Emperor turned to Lion el’Jonson, feeling oddly embaressed. The great Primarch was standing staring, transfixed with horror. The Emperor followed his gaze and saw, dangling from each of the women’s navels, a rhinestone encrusted caricature of a kitten.

+++++

One month later all travel to and from Cecil Prime was forbidden, except unmanned, automated shipments of Chocolatium confectionary. Both legions raised from the Primarchettes geneseed had been deployed to the planet to ensure production proceeded at maximum speed. In the mean time the Emperor set about purging all records of the two legions, their Primarchettes and the Cecil system from Imperial records.

+++++

Not all of the Blessed Primarchs seemed so perturbed, perhaps because they did not witness it first hand. Leman Russ continually pestered Jonson for information about his sisters, to which Jonsons response was always a muttered 'all girls are alike to me'. Russ swore that one day, when he had the time, he would track down his sisters even if it took him ten thousand years...

+++++

[Gotthammer]

Very well done EG

"If you think you're going out of the Fortress Monastary dressed like that you've got another thing coming!"

[AirHorse]

awesome, i like it eldargal. its a good thing it was a girl writting about the primarchettes, I think it wouldve been a little different if it was a member of the opposite sex doing the imagining

[Majorcrash]

argh my daughter said maybe they would be like the hilton sisters or some such............. must purge from mind

[Cryl]

(sorry, I can't resist)

Deep within the Black Library of the Eldar, Inquisitor Czevak stumbled accross a human datafile containing a startling reveletion about the Great Crusade:

That's so very very wrong it's actually gone full circle and become right again

[ChaosLord127]

argh my daughter said maybe they would be like the hilton sisters or some such

Gah! Burn the heretic!

[Melissia]

Gah! Burn the heretic!

I support this statement.

Pass the torches.