If You Owned A Redacted Hammer, What Would You Kill?

[mysterex]

I'd get rid of the current flyer rules - they make no sense in terms of scale. Given the size of the models they should pass over the table in a single movement phase. Under the current rules they can move as slow as a charging infantry model, ie 18" (6" + 12"). Then for some reason something that big that moves like a zepplin can only be hit on a 6.

It would have been better if they had been treated as a game effect like they were under the speed freeks list in codex Armageddon.

[Kaptain Badrukk]

No I'd hit the bit where the 'nids ate the squats with the +5 hammer of retcon.

God WHY?
They were the worst thing ever.
They were literally a self-masturbatory in-joke.
I'd rather have Matt Ward re-write the Ork book.

[Necron2.0]

Me? Probably Dark Eldar ,I've never understood their motives and can't get my head around whether they should be enslaved to slannesh or what-not.

I'm down with a twisted race of Eldar, who have a serious "blood sports" fetish, and are general all around jack-holes (I mean ... more so than the standard template version ).

The problem I have is the fluff doesn't match their game mechanics. According to the fluff, the DE live in fear of Slaanesh. As I understand it they hide in the webway in part to avoid contact with Slaanesh and his/her servants. They shun psykers for the same reason. As long as they live, their souls are slowly being sucked out of them to feed Slaanesh. When they die, their souls are consumed immediately by Slaanesh. For the DE, these aren't stories told to frighten children. These are facts that they live with and experience on a visceral level every damned day of their existence.

Add to this that the DE aren't the craftworlders who packed up the chuck wagons, their station wagons, their freakin' Winnebago (whatever you want to call them) and decided to rough it in deep space. The DE are the true inheritors of the ancient Eldar Empire. They are the home boys. If there were any nifty toys and technology to be had from the old Eldar, THEY would have them.

Now, bearing all that in mind, how do we see them going to battle? They come in flimsy, tissue-paper craft, wearing next to no armor, and usually charging headlong into hand-to-hand combat. NO! Hell no, that's not how they would do it. If the fluff were true, you would never see a DE on the battlefield. If you did, you might see maybe five - the HQ unit. Those would be so @#$! heavily armed and armored they'd make a dreadnought envious, and they would run like rabbits at the first sign of trouble. The rest of the army would be enslaved thralls - like servitors only better. No Slaanesh fearing DE would ever set foot outside the webway. They would never charge into battle heedlessly. They never seek out hand to hand combat. And they sure as hell would never go onto a battlefield without the absolutely best protection an eons old empire could provide.

[Psychosplodge]

The fact it was only half is ridiculous, he created guys so far above humanity - from humans, yet only half went bad? Sorry IRL knowing human nature it would likely have been closer to 90% that said, 'hang on, humans are puny, we're the future, we're the best, they should be our slaves'.

From Tumblr

HOLY **** THEY EAT CAPSAICIN FOR FUN

YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN AIRPLANE.

A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT

humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.

REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT FATALLY INCAPACITATE HUMANS: ALWAYS DESTROY THE HEAD.

WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT NIGHT BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE

WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE AT A RATE OF 1 PER SPACEYEAR. DESTROY INFESTATIONS IMMEDIATELY

THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAW MUSCLES.

HUMAN BITES CAN BE FATALLY INFECTIOUS EVEN TO OTHER HUMANS

WARNING: HUMANS CAN AND WILL USE IMPROVISED WEAPONS. SEE CLASSIFIED DATA LABELED J. CHAN.

HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON THEIR BODY. DO NOT INHALE

OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD

More seriously, humans do have a number of advantages even among Terrestrial life. Our endurance, shock resistance, and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal. We often use the phrase “healthy as a horse” to connote heartiness - but compared to a human, a horse is as fragile as spun glass. There’s mounting evidence that our primitive ancestors would hunt large prey simply by following it at a walking pace, without sleep or rest, until it died of exhaustion; it’s called pursuit predation. Basically, we’re the Terminator.

(The only other animal that can sort of keep up with us? Dogs. That’s why we use them for hunting. And even then, it’s only “sort of”.)

Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most sapient life did not evolve from hyper-specialised pursuit predators:

Our strength and speed is nothing to write home about, but we don’t need to overpower or outrun you. We just need to outlast you - and by any other species’ standards, we just plain don’t get tired.
Where a simple broken leg will cause most species to go into shock and die, we can recover from virtually any injury that’s not immediately fatal. Even traumatic dismemberment isn’t necessarily a career-ending injury for a human.
We heal from injuries with extreme rapidity, recovering in weeks from wounds that would take others months or years to heal. The results aren’t pretty - humans have hyperactive scar tissue, among our other survival-oriented traits - but they’re highly functional.
Speaking of scarring, look at our medical science. We developed surgery centuries before developing even the most rudimentary anesthetics or life support. In extermis, humans have been known to perform surgery on themselves - and survive. Thanks to our extreme heartiness, we regard as routine medical procedures what most other species would regard as inventive forms of murder. We even perform radical surgery on ourselves for purely cosmetic reasons.

Our jaws have too many TEETH in them, so we developed a way to WELD METAL TO OUR TEETH and FORCE THE BONES IN OUR JAW to restructure over the course of years to fit them back into shape, and then we continue to wear metal in out mouths to keep them in place.

We formed cohabitative relationships with tiny mammals and insects we keep at bay from bothering us by death, often using little analouge traps.

And by god, we will eat anything.

God WHY?
They were the worst thing ever.
They were literally a self-masturbatory in-joke.
I'd rather have Matt Ward re-write the Ork book.

Because they amuse me, and biker dwarves looked cool.
And that's a low blow. Matt Ward? Really?

[Al Shut]

NO! Hell no, that's not how they would do it.

You forget one important thing: They're nuts.


If I had a hammer it would fall on Eldrad Ulthran. Not sure how I feel about him being alive but he shouldn't be 10.000 years old. I always thought that took away from the quasi-immortality of the exarchs and phoenix lords.

[FireHazard]

Nid special characters. They gots to go. Just... no.

I'd fold the Imperium forces into 3 main books: Astartes, Guard, everyone else. Give the Inquisition back their mystery and GK their rarity.

No more marines being besties with xenos. SUFFER NOT THE ALIEN TO LIVE.

[Rev. Tiberius Jackhammer]

When they die, their souls are consumed immediately by Slaanesh. For the DE, these aren't stories told to frighten children. These are facts that they live with and experience on a visceral level every damned day of their existence.

Well, the latest 'dex did add a line about how they can be revived through the magic of torturing someone else if the Haemonculi have a deal with them. (Although it would certainly make sense for them to only want to fight their wars through proxy!)

Still, I wouldn't mind the Eldar/Dark Eldar to have a bit of a retcon about their chosen methods of soul retrieval being wireless. A Craftworld Eldar's soul-stone transmitting the soul to the Infinity Circuit upon death (only storing if the Circuit's out of range), or all Dark Eldar leaving fragments of their flesh with the Haemonculi before entering realspace, to "tether" their souls.

[Pyredragon]

I always like these threads when they pop up. I think it has something to do with my favorite comics being 'what if' stories. So what would I change if I had a 'magic hammer' at GW...

Well first things first, no author who actively hates an army is allowed to write for them or offer input on their design, to prevent certain biased muck ups.

Matt Ward would have to continue his writing classes. I think he's improved, I actually liked codex Necrons fluff myself. Rules wise, yeah their definitely still broken but his fluff is improving. Maybe I could have Dan Abbnet to tutor him for the next Grey Knights codex.

Third, the Eldar and DE would be retconned back to being at each others throats and the ally matrix would list them as 'Come the apocalypse'. I never understood that, sure yes the race is dieing but I liked it better when Craftworld Eldar and Dark Eldar both pointed at each other and screamed they were an anathema to their race as a whole and actively sought to end and undermine one another.

Finally the Tau's ally matrix would be fixed as well. Their battlebrothers would change from 'Space Marines' to 'Imperial Guard' as most fluff is far more fitting that starving, barely trained, terrified soldiers would be more than willing to side with them over towering eight foot tall xenocidal hate marines who have been brainwashed to suffer not the alien.

[eldargal]

You forget one important thing: They're nuts.


If I had a hammer it would fall on Eldrad Ulthran. Not sure how I feel about him being alive but he shouldn't be 10.000 years old. I always thought that took away from the quasi-immortality of the exarchs and phoenix lords.

I would agree actually. Not retconning Eldrad but not making him 10,000 years old. It just seemed that instead of building up an ldar character in the HH period to fulfill the role Eldrad did they just thought 'screw it, let's just use Eldrad'.

... or all Dark Eldar leaving fragments of their flesh with the Haemonculi before entering realspace, to "tether" their souls.

Well a lot already do that, it's just a bit pricey which makes sense. I actually headcanon it as another way the kabals perpetuate their own power. Join a kabal and you get the equivalent of DE life insurance but you become part of the system which perpetuates the power of the archons and Vect in particular. Don't and you run the risk of dying every time you go to realspace to raid for a bit of cash.

[Mr Mystery]

I wouldn't mind Eldrad being revealed a sort of Phoenix Lord of Farseers. I can't think of a reason why that system wouldn't work?